Delusion or Real (Kakashi love story) #wattys2018

first love, first kiss

He came closer. I didn't move and closed my eyes. This is going to be my very first kiss. Was I nervous? Hell yeah! Was I afraid? That too, was I in love? Definitely. Kakashi taught me what love really is. He taught me the definition of love. What is love actually? It sure is a big question. I have been thinking about it a lot. Love love love.

For some people it is painful, but for some it is the sweetest feeling ever. For some people it is like drowning, while the others feel like flying. For some people it is just a feeling that will come and go, but for me it is different.

I was the kind of girl who avoided love. My family didn't give me love. They gave me money instead. I grew up with the feeling of hate. I wanted to feel love, but after a while I just gave up. I have already lost so many people, I couldn't bare losing another person.

Love is like... hmmm how should I say this.

It is like the one is a candle and the person you love is the lighter. The closer you get, the more it will burn you. That's why cowards run away from love and some make it real by giving up theirselves.
But would it be worth to burn yourself down for the person you love?

I have burnt myself a lot for the people I used to care for so much. It sure wasn't worth it to be honest. It was too late for me to return. I was a candle who couldn't be lit up anymore. At least that's what I thought.

I could explain the defenition of love on a different way too.

It is like... liking eachother for who we really are. The way two person's words are becoming one. It is like the souls connects instead of the bodies. It is amazing if you think like that.
There is always a reason why we meet people. Even if that person is far away or close.

Love could also be like a rose with thorns.
It is beautiful, but the moment you touch it, the thorns will make you bleed. Every rose has a dark shadow. White roses, red roses, all of them has a dark shadow. But the beauty of it will never change.

Words can't explain what love really is.
Action will.

I felt his lips melt into mine. His tongue exploring my mouth. My heart was about to burst through my chest. It felt wrong. All of this. Me kissing my anime crush.

Just for once, I didn't care if it was a good thing of me or not, to do this. I had been so afraid to fall in love, because I didn't want to be like the people who felt like drowning while loving, pain while touching or a feeling that would come and go. I wanted it to be permanent, just like the way Kakashi put his mark on me.

I let myself lose in the moment. The moment he pulled away, my eyes were still closed. The only thing I heard was our breaths. No traffic, no drunk people yelling, nothing. Just our breaths.

I felt myself being lift up, and I opened my eyes just to see that we were already in my room. I felt myself gone numb. Am I even worth this? I am not sure. As I said, just for once I am not going to care if it is wrong or not.

"I love you." He whispered in my ear and layed me on my bed and got on top of me.
The moment he said those words, was the moment where I felt being lit up again.
I felt his hot breath on my skin, my neck, and they found my lips again.

Should I say it. Should I say that I love him too? Everything around me became blurry. Something keeps stopping me from saying those three words.
How hard could it be, right? How hard could it be to say to someone that you love him? It was harder than it seems like.

I was a little girl, alone in my little world. Now, I am a lady who is still in her own world, but this time I am not alone.

I was so busy thinking about everything that involved love, that I didn't even notice that I was laying half naked on my bed.
Kakashi was ready to go further than just kisses, but was I ready? I don't know. I didn't stop him, I just let him. He was standing in front of me admiring my body. Just like I was admiring his.

There were so many things at that moment that I wanted to say.
Most of all that I loved him.

He slowly started to touch my body. Every touch felt like firework on my body.
Painful, but still enjoying. I tried to feel his love through his touch. Maybe if I did the same, he would understand that I really love him.

I wandered my hands from his face to his chest. His breaths quickened just like mine.

"Turn around." He said in his husky low voice. I was confused, but obeyed him. He undid my bra, and I layed there just in my lacy black underwear. My back facing him.
He started to touch my scars. I felt electric shocks everytime he touched my scars and kissed them slowly.

It felt like his kisses took away all the pain, that my scars held.
A tear rolled down my cheek. So love was the only thing that could cure my pain.

He grabbed my waist and turned me around to face him.

"Shhh Beko. Tonight I will make your pain go away." He said. I smiled and started to unbuckle his pants. His eyes never leaving mine, he came close to me.

There we were. Naked and in love.
Being naked isn't just exposing your body to someone else. Being truly naked is showing someone your feelings, your dreams, your nightmares, your soul.
Feeling a naked body isn't just hands touching your exposed body. It is two souls, two minds, two hearts connecting with eachother.

My heart is pumping like it never had before. I was numb, but at the same time I was feeling so much. It was almost too much for me to handle. The numbness was the thing I could handle, not the feelings.

"I love you too, Kakashi."

Finally, I said it. The words I couldn't say out loud. The words that were only meant for him.

I felt a sharp pain and almost all Kakashi's weight got on me. This was it. It was all happening.

He is the one who gave me my first kiss and earned my first love.