Delusion or Real (Kakashi love story) #wattys2018

his own

"Mother! Mother look what I have made!" I ran excited to my mother who was on the phone. I couldn't wait to show her my drawing.

"Not now, Beko."

She was talking with her sister. No wonder that she looked so happy. I heard the door being opened. There stood my old man. My father.

"Daddy! Look what I made!"

He looked very tired but didn't want to show it. He looked at me. The 8 year old Beko. My father picked me up and kissed my forehead. Smiling was the only thing he did when I was with him.

"That is very beautiful, my princess." He said with an exhausted voice.
"Are you tired daddy?"
"Your old man won't ever be tired. Especially when he has his babygirl in his arms. But I would be happy if you brought your old man a glass of water."

He put me on the ground carefully. I ran to the kitchen with my white pokemon dress flying up as I jumped in joy. My hair was getting in my face and it began to annoy me.
"Uffff." I blew my hair away from my face. I climbed on the chair and filled the glass with water.

"Mmm. This tastes delicious my princess. Thank you very much." I climbed on the couch and sat on his lap.
"Don't be silly, daddy. Water doesn't taste like anything!" I said giggling.
"Is that so, little one. Close your eyes and drink the rest of the water. Think of the ocean and the beautiful nature. Drink it slowly." He said holding the glass for me.
I obliged and drank it all up. Believe it or not ... it tasted better.

"We human beings forget one important thing. We are all so busy that we forget to enjoy the smallest things in life. You could either drink the water quick and not taste anything or you could close your eyes, take your time to think about what God made and enjoy the feeling of the delicious water. Don't rush anything in life, because when you get old as your father you will regret it."

"Why did you rush, daddy. Why didn't you take your time to enjoy life?"

"Having some good time together I see," My mother said looking at the both of us.
I prepared your favorite meal for tonight."

"Yummy! Foooood!" I climbed off the couch and ran to the kitchen. The smell of the food my mother made. Amazing. I closed my eyes and concentrated on the food that was laying on the table and began smell it. I was enjoying the smallest things in life just as my father told me.

"She is just like you, John." My mother said while my father hugged her from behind.
"She looks just like you. Beautiful golden hair, bright smile, cute cheeks, snow white skin." He said back.

After I ate I ran to the livingroom. I loved to watch cartoons after dinner.

"Watching Courage The Cowardly Dog before going to sleep isn't smart of you, princess." My father said picking me up.
"But daddyyyy!" I whined trying to grab the remote from his hand.
"Lets put you to bed. You have to grow up, little kid." He said tucking me in.
"I am... not.. little." I said through yawns.

*********5 hours later (04:00)*************

I made a fist and rubbed my eyes. It was still dark, but there was only light coming from the livingroom. I ran through the small hallway, because I was scared. Maybe I should stop watching scary cartoons.

There he sat. My oldie. Reading an old looking book.
He saw me, but didn't say anything so I jumped on the couch and leaned on his big arm. I tried to read it, but it was too hard for me to understand it.

"Why do you love reading so much?" I asked.
"Do you like dreaming?" He asked me. I looked at him as if he were crazy.
"Ofcourse I like dreaming! Who doesn't. It is the only reason why I love sleeping. Even though I don't want to go to bed." I said looking up at his chocolate brown eyes. He smiled and said: "Reading is dreaming with open eyes."

"Daddy I think you need some sleep. You don't sound good. Are you ill?" I said getting up to check if he has a fever. He let out a small laugh.
"I am not ill, Beko. I just can't sleep, because daddy had some bad dreams the last days." He said looking down.

"Why daddy?"
"I think I need to stop watching scary cartoons." He said looking at me with big eyes. I laughed at him and it didn't take too long for him to join me.

"Father."
"Yes, my princess."
"You still haven't answered my question. Why did you rush. Why didn't you enjoy life?"

"Sometimes you don't have a choice. Sometimes life forces you into situations you want to get out as fast as possible. The only option we mankind see is to rush so it ends quick. Enjoying life is very easy when you have the right people around you. That's why you have to be careful who you let in your life. The people you let in can let you rush. But they also can make you enjoy every moment of this world. You are going to fall many times before you find the right ones who will make your life worth living for. Do not forget two things while you are falling. The one who is pushing you and the one who isn't catching you."

He looked down with a dead empty stare.

"Father.."

"There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls, darling....

Come on, sweetheart. Sleepy sleepy look what time it is!" He said showing me a fake smile.

The lights suddenly turned off.

"Dad-daddy?" I said shaking in fear.
"Don't worry, honey. I am here."

The sudden light coming from the mirror almost blinded me. I squirted my eyes and looked at the only thing that gave light. I saw myself. But a younger version. A small version of me trapped in the mirror.

I looked down at my feet, legs and then my hands. I felt my face and knew that I was the 18 years old Beko again.

The little Beko stared at me with tears streaming down her pink cheeks. Blood was coming out of her eyes.
"Hey. Why are you crying?" I said kneeling down looking at my younger one in the mirror.
"He is here. Look behind you."
I slowly stood up and turned around very careful. Afraid of seeing something unexpected.

"You. You little brat! I don't want you in our lives anymore. You never do what we want. You always disappoint us. If you deny to change yourself then we deny to accept you as our family. I am disgusted by you! No one will ever love you! Everyone you know will get tired of you. Wait and see. Everyone you know is going to let you rush in life and hate you in the end. Everyone you are going to talk to is gonna get tired of you. Pathetic being. Change or leave!"

"Grandpa. But I. I always did what you guys asked from me!" I yelled back. Tears not stopping.

"Father! Say something to grandpa!" I screamed at my father who stood next to my grandpa.

"He is right, Beko. I am. I am.. I am ashamed of you!." He said talking like my grandfather.

I fell down to my knees. I took one last glance at the little girl staring into my dead soul.

The mirror shattered into pieces. Every piece of the glass cut my fresh skin.
I began to count as it cut me.
1 cut...
2 cut...
3 cut...

But i didn't feel any pain at all.

I remembered only one sentence of my father's favorite book. The one I found hard to read when I were younger. It said:

'A sad soul can kill quicker than a bullet'

Now I understand what my old man was reading.

His own diary.