After Harry left it's been hard for me. Lately I've been distancing myself from the band and Caleb has noticed. I know I'm caring for Harry more than I should and it scares me. He hasn't been texting much, I know he's busy but so am I. Does he think about me as much as I think about him? If so he would be texting me right now which he isn't.
It's been three weeks after he went back home which means we've been dating for almost three months now. I'm flying out in two days to accompany him to the premiere of his movie. I'm scared to see him again because I've started cutting again. Not much just after each panic attack that happens every day now. God, I'm so pathetic. I was so strong about not getting back into this routine but the hate got worse. Not just Harry's fans but mine as well saying I don't deserve to be in the band and that I'm a slut for being the only girl and that I'm hooking up with each of my band members. I'm being labeled as not perfect. Fat. Whore. Ugly. Worthless. No talent. I've never been the most confident girl in the first place and what they're saying is exactly what I think of myself. So I don't know it kind of happened one night and I started again. I don't have the strength to stop.
"Christiana?" I hear Caleb whisper from beside me on our place on the couch, me being preoccupied by my thoughts as I stare out the window.
"Mm?" Not really paying attention.
"You're crying.. What's wrong?" He reaches over to wipe my tear but I pull away.
"Nothing." I say and I get up returning to my bunk where I've spent most of my time.
Right before shutting my curtain Caleb appears and climbs into my bunk lying beside me.
"Tell me."
"There's nothing wrong. I'm fine."
"Yeah. That's what you always say. You're fine and I'm not buying it one second now spill."
"I'm worthless, Caleb. Worthless to the band and worthless to myself." I whisper.
Caleb's eyes grow wide. "Don't you ever dare say that again. We wouldn't be here if it weren't for you."
I nod not believing him.
"I'm just tired Caleb." I admit weakly.
He nods. "I know. We all are."
"No, I'm tired of myself. Why can't I be perfect like those other girls with their perfect families and perfect bodies."
"Because you wouldn't be the Christiana that we all know and love."
"But I'd be better."
"But you wouldn't be you."
"True. Thanks". I whisper before crying.
"You've got to start hanging out with us more. You were doing so well and then you took a step back but don't look at it like it's a bad thing. You know how to shoot a bow and arrow?"
"Caleb, we're from the South."
Caleb laughs, "Right, well you pull back on the bow and the only way that arrow has to go is forward. Think of it like that. You've been pulled back, now the only way to go is forward."
I nod. "You always know what to say."
"What has gotten you down?"
"Hate, I guess. Not seeing Harry and seeing him being shipped with girls much better than I could ever be."
"But he only has eyes for one."
"How can you be so sure."
"I'm Caleb Johnson. I know everything."
YOU ARE READING
Cage The Princess (A Punk Harry Styles Fanfic)
Fanfiction"Harry, I don't think it's a good idea." She gets up and I grab her arm. "But why?" I beg. "Just drop it." She looks down at my hand on her arm and walks away from me again. One day. One day she'll be mine and I'll protect her from her darkness.
