My Life

Chapter 53:

Lauren's POV:

Fourteen hours. Seventeen minutes. Forty five seconds. I've been in this stupid fucking room for almost fifteen hours. No food. No company.

Nothing but complete silence. Dolph had come in to get Bailey since mom and dad were too 'disgusted' with my actions to come see me. Stupid cunts.

For the past fourteen hours of my life, I've laid in bed staring at the ceiling. I've listened to music. Wrote some new music. Showered in the attached bathroom.

I even flat ironed my hair and painted my nails. I slept for about two hours but woke up because I was so fucking hungry.

What kind of parents lock their kids up with no food for hours on end? None that I know of.

My parents are such idiots. They should of NEVER had children. I'll tell them to their faces just to see them get hurt and angry. They damn well deserve that much.

I've sat here thinking of many different ideas. Such as, how the hell do I get food? Should I run away? Should I run away with Bailey?

The only one I've put any real thought into is, should I stay with Aj? I mean we're gonna go visit her next week, so I could just stay while the rest of them leave.

Or should I travel and live with Nikki? It's sad. Nikki would be a GREAT mom. Hell she's a great 'mom' to me. But she'll probably never have kids cause of her boyfriend.

Instead of her having kids, my parents have kids. She deserves to have kids cause she'd be an amazing mom. But instead my mom has kids and she just shoves them to the side.

Nikki hasn't come to see me yet cause she had left earlier to go to Arizona. She left to go see her mom since this was the only time she had off in a while.

It's probably around two in the morning right now, so everyone's sleeping. Maybe I could sneak out now and get some food. Eh, what do I have to lose.

I rolled out of bed before changing into some sweatpants and a sports bra. I threw on some fuzzy socks before cracking open the door.

No one was out there so I quickly shut the door behind me. I ran down the hall as quietly as possible before heading down the steps.

I tip toed into the kitchen reaching for the snack cabinet only for my wrist to be grabbed. I was yanked around and found the person to be my father.

I stared up at him trying not to show any fear. Cause to be honest, I was scared as hell. My father looked so, so angry. And his hand could crush my tiny wrist in a split second.

I gulped as I stared at him wide eyed.

"What are you doing out of your room?" He finally spoke as a bit of anger showed through every single word.

"I'm hungry." I whispered.

"Should've thought before you decided to talk shit. Right?" I just stared up at him with squinted eyes.

"You think I regret what I fucking said?" I couldn't help but laugh a little. Bad decision cause his grip tightened a bit. I quickly stopped laughing and stared up into his similar eyes.

"Lauren you should regret every fucking word that came from your mouth. We're your fucking parents for fuck sake."

"Parents? We have VERY different definitions of parents then. What the fuck have you done to earn that title?" I snapped causing him to shake in anger.

"Lauren I've done everything for you for the past year or so. Yes, I've messed up a few times but I've never done anything as terrible as to lose my title of being a parent."

"A few times? A few fucking times? Okay whatever. I'm not gonna stand here and list ALL of the things you've done to me. You and mom."

"We'd be here for far to long and that wouldn't be right. I'm supposed to be in my room rotting away to nothing until you and mom decide that your ready to be parents again. Which will be never."

"So it looks like I'll just have to wait three more years till I'm eighteen to eat. My bad. I should have thought before I came down here. Just like I should've thought before I said anything earlier. Right?"

"Okay great. Now that we've accomplished absolutely fucking nothing, I'll just head back up to my jail cell." I growled ripping my arm from his and stomping past him.

"Lauren, stop acting like the fucking victim. You picked your poor mother apart piece by piece earlier, yet you have the nerve to feel sorry for yourself?" Dad called after me.

I turned back around with tears in my eyes.

"I don't feel sorry for myself, Dean. Cause feeling sorry for yourself gets you know where. Look where it got me for three months."

"I stayed by myself in my so called 'Aunts' house for the time being because my friends mom hated me. I've learned so much in this past year or so."

"One of those things being to never feel sorry for yourself. It doesn't help anything what so ever. It just makes the people hate you even more for being such an attention whore."

"Honestly, I hate being the center of attention. So, why make myself something I'm not? I learn something new everyday. You want to know what I learned today?"

"To never trust anyone; not even your family. I've put WAY to much trust in you people so many different times and look where it got me." A single tear fell. I threw my hands in the air.

"This is where I stand. In a house full of people who hate me. I've been hurt way to many times by the people I love. The people who are supposed to be there for you know matter what."

"The only fucking reason I haven't left is because of that baby. Because of Bailey. I don't want her to live the life I did. I want to be there for her. I didn't have that, but I want her to."

"I want her to be able and wake up in the morning knowing she'll always have one person she can trust. One person to love her just as much as she loves them."

"I want her to be able to wake up in the morning and not think about killing herself." I cried out as I spilled out every bottled up thought out of me.

"I'm in so much fucking pain and I don't want her to experience it. That's why I'm still here. I'm not here for myself. I'm not here for you or mom. I'm here for Bailey."

"She's the only thing keeping me alive right now. I hate my life so fucking much. I look at other people and think, why can't my life be as simple as their's?"

"I hate to think that everyone was right. All the kids and teachers at school.
They all used to say, 'she'll be dead by the time she's sixteen'. And you know what, if it weren't for Bails, they'd be exactly right."

"So I don't care anymore. Do what you must. If you want to ground me for weeks at a time, go ahead. But don't think for one second that I told you this for your help or sympathy."

"Cause clearly I don't want it. I can't be helped. I'm unfixable. I'm broken and I will be for the rest of my life. So don't even fucking try to put me through therapy or shit."

"I didn't tell you this for sympathy or attention. I told you this because I want you to know that I don't feel sorry for myself."

"And I sure as hell don't feel sorry for what I said earlier." I let the tears flow down my face as I stared at my shocked Dad.

With that said, I turned on my heel and went right back up to where I came from; I went upstairs to drown in my own misery.

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-Peyton ❄️