Standing Under Clouds/Jennifer Jareau/Criminal Minds fanfiction.

Chapter 13: Thats a start.

Hotch's POV
Everyone has gone home and I am staying with JJ in the hospital for the night. We decided we would all take turns to stay with JJ until she recovered because she needed someone with her at all times and we know a nurse wont do her any good. I volunteered to go first. I saw JJ start to open her eyes and again started to panic.

"Jennifer its okay. Its fine all right? I am here." I say while being careful not to touch her. I manage to calm her before she starts a episode. The nurses say that when she freaks out at touch or starts to panic and hyperventilate its called a 'episode' she can have 2 kinds of episodes a physical one which is usually mixed with a mental one and thats what she had when she attacked Morgan. A mental episode however is when you touch her and she starts to panic. 

"JJ are you good?" I say making sure she is not going to freak out. In one of her episodes she is not herself and is not thinking so if you ask that she is okay and she responds then she is usually safe.

"Yes sorry Hotch."  She says while nodding. Thats the most she has been able to say (that was sane at least) since we found her.

"JJ you know we have to talk about this. Not for a while but sometime when your ready." I say. She looks away from me and brings her knees to her chest. Like a little kid afraid of a monster under their bed. She starts to tense up. I can tell she is clenching her fist. I start to worry what she is going to do. When she attacks someone it usually is not a problem because her limbs are all like little sticks. It is a problem for her though because we all have to be careful with her because I can snap her arm as easy as I can snap a few pencils. JJ starts to rock back and forth. I prepare for a mental and emotional break down and episode. She starts to scream and flail around.

"PLEASE NO! HELP ME! GET AWAY FROM ME! JAMES NO!" I here her scream. I cant take it anymore I grab her and wrap my arms around her.

"Shh Jennifer calm down Shh." I say in a soothing tone. I have to be a parent for her I have to act like she is a child. She starts to cry and calm down and she starts to twitch. I let go and she just goes back to normal. She finally falls asleep.

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The next Morning.
JJ's POV
"Hey Jayje." Morgan says to me. I hate how he is looking at me. He looks at me like I an broken.

"Hi." I say while turning away from him. He killed James, James a sweet guy who loved me. I decide not to talk about it though.

"Um I brought you these flowers." He says while putting them on a table.

"Thanks uh what have I missed at work. I ask.

"Nothing we all have the week off." He says. He sits down and pats my leg.

"Wait Morgan don't-" Hotch tries to say but its too late. I flinch and start curl up. I can't control it. Its like a mandatory response that I have no control over. All I know is when I go into one of these I can't control myself. I rock back and forth while hyperventilating to try and calm myself down. Everyone thinks I hyperventilate because I am scared but I am really just trying to keep myself together.

"Wow wow wow what did I do." He says sounding panicked.

"You did not do anything she is just sensitive." Hotch explains. I can only hear them faintly talking because I am too focused on myself and trying to calm down. I sit there and rock back an forth for a while. I finally just stop. I just go limp and claps on my bed. I don't know whats going on or whats happening to me.

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That night:
Slowly, I try to get up out of bed while trying not to wake Emily who is staying with me for tonight. I have to go to the bathroom but I don't want to be a pain and wake Emily so I try to go myself.

"Shoot!" I whisper/yell to myself because I knocked something off the table. She did not wake up though. I finally get my legs flip over one side of the bed and am ready to stand up. My hand grip that toe if the be where it is slightly raised. I try to push myself up. I am surprised by how light I am. Although I am light my legs still aren't strong enough to hold myself up. I fall to the floor. I make barely any noise at all I just sound like a feather but I wake Emily anyway.

"What heck JJ? What are you doing?" She says in a tired voice while rubbing her eyes.

"Sorry." I apologize. "I was trying to go to the bathroom." I say with sorrow in my eyes. Falling to the ground was painful but did not even seem like a third of what I had felt in the last couple of days so I barely noticed it.

"Jayje you know you cant walk yet right?" She asks.

"Well I do now." I say with a hint of sarcasm in my voice. I hear laugh for a second.

"Yah well JJ let me help you." She says while standing up and walking towards me. She gets fairly close before I stop her.

"You probably don't want to do that." I say with a smile on my face.

"Why not?- oh yah your right." She says while backing away.

"JJ are you sure I cant help you? You know its me?" She says. I consider it for a moment. I nod.

"Ok yes but be prepared." I say. She lifts me up and I flinch and start to freak out, but am calmed by her telling me its okay.

"JJ its okay its just me just calm down okay." She soothes.

"Emily please just put me down. I cant. I am scared just put me down." I say as she helps me back on the bed. I take a deep breath and put my head in my hands.

"Hey JJ thats a start." She says while starting to pat me on the back and then stopping herself and withdrawing her hand.

"I know Emily but what-what if I can never be touched again. What if every time I shake someones hand or go to give somebody a hug I flinch or worse." I say while just shaking my head and staring at the floor.

"Its fine that wont happen." She says while fluffing my pillows and then going back to the chair she was sitting in. I lay down on the bed with my stomach facing the ceiling and my hands behind my head as cloud watching.

"Hey Em how much longer do I have to stay here?" I asks while tilting my head to face her.

"Another week at least." She says while giving me a reassuring smile.

"Oh I swear if I had my gun I would be out of here so fast." I say while still looking at the ceiling and smiling.

"Ha ha yah I know how you feel I hate hospitals too." She says while snickering.

"Maybe recovering wont be so bad after all." I say, but then it hits me. James, James is dead. I turn to face Emily I have a scared expression on my face.

"James." I whisper in a frightened tone.

A/N:
I apologize for the length for the length of the chapter! Ps I got a instagram criminal minds fandom/wattpad account: criminal_minds_4_life90