Room 234's VIRGIN

35. Aphrodite 2

I figured the previous chapter was too long hence this part a continuation.
Song : Auditory Hallucination - Jang Jae In.
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Oh my Goodness! I look at him and then the picture. No child can be the same after that. That's what killed him! Considering he said the child shouldn't have gone in, he obviously blamed himself for her death.

"Stupid child" Lexis says quietly as if echoing my thoughts on his self blame.

I remember my conversation with Nathan;

"I don't hate him, I feel more of pity for him"Nathan says.

"For Lexis?" I say crunching my face.

"Why would you feel pity for that jerk?" I say bewildered.

"Every Jerk has a story, some are not an excuse for who they now are and some shape them into who they are" Nathan says.

"So you don't believe that our pasts aren't excuses for our actions?" I ask.

"I believe certain pasts don't give choices on what you become, they mold you ,into what they want taking away your freedom of choice. So yes, I do think some are excuses, but not all" he says.

"Sometimes our environment shapes us without giving us choices, later on its our choice to break out of that" I state.

"Agreed but environments vary, certain environments and circumstances don't give you a way out especially when it's all you know, what you need is someone to break you free someone to enter that world and give you the way out" Nathan says.

His dad was part of that environment, dictating, monitoring never giving him a choice or allowing him to break free.
Clearly Lexis needed help, someone to save him from his environment and himself from the self blame for a death that wasn't his fault, anger at her leaving him and choosing death... oh my goodness this is what he meant by being abandoned!

I turn towards him and kneel in front of him holding his hands. Needing to somehow reach him.

"The little boy didn't kill his mum Lexis, he saved her," I say as Lexis raises his head.

"She must have been barely living and the only reason she didn't kill herself previously when she knew she could have was because she wanted to see her son one last time. To hold him tightly and love him like only a mother could, she knew that second was a glimpse at sanity that would never return and she didn't want to spoil her son's memory of her. She wanted him to remember the smiling and loving mum he played with not a crazy woman. Living would have been hard for her and her son. Having fulfilled her last wish she must have felt peace in her heart to go from this world remembering her son and not as a mother who couldn't remember him due to her unstable mind," I say.

Lexis looks at me different emotions passing his eyes. He gets up taking his hands and laughs.

"You need a doctor, this is the second time you've acted like the story was about me. It's a legend! It's not true. It's mythlogy, a story," He says turning his back to me. I smile and get up.

Sure Lexis, your story.

I look at him, since he wasn't willing to address internal disasters let's start with the outer ones. I think deciding to help him. Maybe in helping heal him if he lets me, I can heal too.

"So, you need help?" I ask.

"With what?" He asks an eyebrow raised.

"Cleaning your mess of course!" I reply smiling, hands outstretched pointing to the mess all over the room while also meaning his heart.

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