Have You Ever Really Danced on the Edge? {Fuenciado}

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A/N: It would really help me out if you guys could go check out my new story (no bandom relation). It's a plot I've spent a lot of time mapping out, and I finally think it's ready to share. It's called Suicide Season (on my profile). Even if you don't like it, please leave constructive criticism (don't be rude, I am a person). Thank you all! 

***Vic's POV***

Jaime smiled as he carried our sleeping daughter up the stairs to put her to bed. I sat on the couch, my knees pulled close to my chest, and sighed. I didn't know what to do again. I was happy to be back with my husband and little girl, but Rachel still needed me, and I still loved her. 

I shook my head and stood to go to bed. I looked at my phone lying on the end table, but I did not grab it. Tonight was my first night home with Jaime, and he was the only person I would need to talk to. I turned off the lights in the living room and jogged up the stairs to my bedroom. 

Just as I finished changing into my pajama pants, Jaime snuck into the room and closed the door quietly behind him. He snuck over to me and poked me in the darkness. "Hey, handsome," he said quietly and rested his head on my shoulder. I rubbed his back and smiled.

"Come on," I led him to the bed and helped him in. "Why are you so drained?" I asked, his eyes already shut.

"I don't get much sleep when you aren't here with me," he sighed and peaked out at me. I traced his cheek with my hand softly and said quietly.

"Don't worry about that anymore."

Jaime laughed once but did not open his eyes. "Do you know how many times you've said that?" I shook my head and rolled so that I wasn't facing him, but the ceiling. "Four. Four times you've promised that you wouldn't hurt me anymore, and we always end up right back here." He sat up now, looking down at me. "Don't you think that's a bit fucked?"

"Yeah, Jaime, I do. But don't you think we're both a bit fucked. I've messed up, but you're no saint either," I sighed. "Remember Alex? Remember that you fucked your ex girlfriend just a few weeks before we got married?" I sat up and looked at him in the eyes.

"I'm sorry about that," he mumbled.

"And I'm sorry about the things I've done," I choked out. "So please stop bringing them up like I'm just the worst person ever. I'm sorry for it all. And most of all," my voice cracked, "I'm sorry that I still love Cara. And I'm just still trying to fill that hole she left."

"Why aren't I enough to fill it?" he asked quietly and moved out of the bed. "Maybe we aren't ready for this yet," he sighed. 

"Jaime stop!" I yelled. "Don't do this shit again. Don't fuck up what we have just because it isn't perfect!"

"Why stay if it isn't perfect, Vic?"

"Marriage isn't perfect," I sighed and crawled to his side of the bed, so that I was right in front of him. I grabbed his hips and pulled him closer. "Remember at the park, you said I don't understand marriage. Well I understand this much, getting married doesn't mean everything will be okay. It just means that we'll fight our way through it together. But it won't be easy."

He rested his head on mine and sighed. "It's not easy. It's never been easy," he grabbed my hand and interlaced his fingers with mine. "Will it ever be?" 

I laughed and looked up at him. "We're a gay couple in a band with a 3 year old daughter and pasts that can't leave us alone. No, Jaime, it will never be easy. But it'll be worth it, I promise," I smiled and kissed him softly. "Get back in bed."