Have You Ever Really Danced on the Edge? {Fuenciado}

If You Were Gonna Leave This World, How Could It Be Without Me?

****Jaime's POV****

Per Vic's request, we were on out way back to San Diego. I woke up around 11 in the morning. Vic wasn't in bed, but I heard his beautiful voice and a few guitar riffs, giving away that he was writing. I poked my head out of his bunk and looked down into the living room.

"Good morning, sunshine," I said trying to cheer him up.

He looked up slowly and I saw the tears in his eyes. I jumped out of bed and ran over to him. "Vic, come here." I cooed as I pulled him up into my arms. His tears soaked my shirt due to the fact that we stood like this for about 10 minutes, him bawling into my chest.

"Jaime, why - why does it hurt this - bad? Why do I - care so - much?" he asked between sobs.

I shook my head and just pulled him closer. I don't know, Vic, but can't you just stop. Don't you see that by caring, you love her. And by loving her, you're hurting me. But I couldn't say that. He's too fragile to choose.

Chad hopped out of Tony's bunk and rubbed Vic's back until he stopped crying.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," he said softly.

"Mind if I come, keep you some company?" I asked. Not that I wanted to play around, neither of us were ready for that. It was just that when he showered, he liked to have me there to talk to. The shower is like a thinking place for him.

"No.." he whispered as he walked into the bathroom.

Once the water got too loud for him to hear us, Chad spoke up. "What the hell is he so mopey about? Didn't she like, break his heart multiple times?"

We both looked up when Mike entered the room, prepared to save the conversation for later. It caught us both off gaurd when he sat beside us and sighed, "She treated him like shit for years and now that she's gone, he wants to cry."

We all nodded in agreement. Mike kept wiggling.. "Mike what the hell are you doing?" I asked, with a laugh.

"No, what the hell am I sitting on!?" He pulled a notebook out from under him and we both immediately recognized it asd Vic's lyric book.

"Let me see that," I said as I grabbed it from him. Written across the top of the page were the words Caraphernelia 2.0.

I sighed and threw it down. "Fuck, really. He's writing about her! Fuck this." I yelled as I called for the driver to get off the interstate.

****Vic's POV****

I heard them talking about me. About how I shouldn't be moping. About how I shouldn't be writing about her. Then I heard Jaime.

He yelled "Fuck this! Jimmy, stop this fucking bus. I need air. Shit.."

A few minutes later the bus was stopped at a RV rest stop.

Chad, Mike, and Jaime got off the bus. Since Gabii and Tony were still asleep, I knew now was my chance. I ran out of the bathroom in my boxers and ran to Tony's bag. I knew he still struggled with cutting, so I knew he'd have a razor. When I found one, I grabbed it and ran back to the bathroom. I stared into the mirror and shook my head. Why do you always turn me into this monster, Cara? I thought as I ran the cold piece of metal across my skin. I watched the red liquid ooze out of the new cuts across my wrist. I continued to do this until I heard the gang get back on the bus.

Mike knocked on the door and yelled, "Close the curtain, I have to piss" just as he burst in. I screamed and threw the razor down. It was too late. He closed the door behind him and walked close to me.

He whispered in the lowest voice possible, "Victor, I will pretend I don't see your wrists and I'll pretend I don't see the razor, so long as you pretend, for Jaime's sake and this band's sake, that Cara's death doesn't make you this sad. Jaime can't stand to see you cry and we as a band can't let you snap. Your our leadman, we need you. OK?"

I nodded and looked down. I heard his piss start to hit the wawter in the toilet and I turned around. "How do I hide this?" I asked, knowing Jaime would snap if he saw these cuts.

He shook his head and zipped his pants back up. I can give you all my bracelets and I can lie about this ever happening, the rest is on you, Vic." he said as he walked out the door. He threw 7 bracelets back in, most of them about legalizing weed.

I put them on and, with the 5 I already wear, most of the fresh wounds were covered. I threw on a jacket and walked out of the bathroom. No one was out there but Jaime, who was holding my lyric book.

"No, won't you come back? I've got so much to say. You can't leave me alone like this," he read. I sighed and nodded.

"Yeah um.. yeah," I mumbled. "It's um, Caraphernelia 2.0."

He smiled and handed it to me. "I like it baby. We should make it into a piano ballad, and we'll have Derek Sanders help do vocals and I think your voices compli-"

I cut him off with a kiss. I slowly pulled back and smiled, "Jaime, I love you. We're going to be ok."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist. "I know we are Vic. Because you're the love of my life."

"Same," I mumbled as our lips crashed together.