There's A Fine Line Between Love And Hate

Chapter Twenty- Trust Is Damaged And Now We Panic

So, hopefully you all enjoyed the last chapter! Again, any character reactions/actions are a figment of my imagination and writing, I don't know how any of the real life characters would act in this situation.

TRIGGER WARNINGS: Talk of abortion, unplanned pregnancy.

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Over an hour later, Josh and I were still in the bathroom. I had barely said a word to Josh, however, he was talking more than enough for the both of us.

"So are we going to co-raise this child? When are we going for the doctor's appointment? When are we safe to start planning things? Which month?" I could barely register all the questions. I was still staring at the ground, begging myself to wake up and realise it was a dream.

"Ava, stop it! You've been pinching yourself for the last five minutes!" Josh swatted my hand away from my arm, before crouching down to try to look me in the eye. "I mean it, you're really beginning to worry me now. Talk to me."

It was only then that I realised I had been pinching myself, I hadn't even felt it. I felt scared beyond belief, almost to the point of being numb, just trying to come to terms with the fact that Josh and I may have, unintentionally, created a life. We could have crossed a line that neither of wanted, nor expected to cross. Especially not this soon.

"Josh, how are we meant to have a child together? This is something I expected to have to start thinking about in 5 or 10 years time, not right now! I don't think I can handle this!" Josh scowled a little at my reaction.

"And you think I can? This wasn't my idea of fun either, Ava! The band is becoming bigger than we imagined, we have year after year of touring planned out ahead of us already, and numerous albums, a child doesn't fit anywhere in that plan!"

I couldn't stop the thought that was running through my head, and proceeded to open my mouth before thinking.

"Maybe... Maybe we could not have the child?" The horrified look on Josh's face summed up his opinion on that idea.

"Ava, what the fuck makes you think I would want to abort our child? I said they weren't planned, I never said I wanted... that! I would never..."

I cringed as soon as I realised my mistake. "I didn't mean that- I mean, I don't know- I just panicked!" Josh sighed, running his hand through his fluffy hair, his eyes trained on the carpet. He refused to look at me, the silence between us now reaching an almost unbearable level of uncomfortable. "Josh, look I-"

"Ava, it's fine, just stop talking. Please. Just stop." Josh urged, his voice almost a whisper, shaking his head. He was obviously distressed. "I'm heading to the store, text me if you need anything." Josh pecked me on the forehead quickly, leaving the room before I even had a chance to react or utter anything in response. I threw myself back on the bed, staring at the ceiling, a thousand thoughts running through my head right now. We were both young, our careers were taking off, we weren't even dating- nevermind married or anything! I wasn't expecting to start having kids until after I had been married a couple of years at least. By the sounds of things, Josh felt the same way, even if he was handling it better than I was. It felt like everything was getting a little too much for me, and in the end, I cried myself to sleep.

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I felt the covers move off of me, and a warm body slide into the bed, curling softly against me, wrapping an arm over me to cuddle me into their chest. I pushed back until Josh was spooning me fully. I knew it was him. I recognised his scent, the way he sighed in content as he nuzzled his face into my neck, the tiny circles he traced on to my arm with his thumb. The list could go on.