There's A Fine Line Between Love And Hate

Chapter Thirty Two- I Know The Sky Will Turn To Grey

Hey guys, it's another update! The story will still be a little sad for a little while longer, but it's not forever, I promise. Enjoy.

___________________________________________________________________________________

The days passed slowly after the incident. I was finding it harder and harder to be around Josh. He seemed to constantly want to talk about our son, and I just wasn't ready for that.

For me, it was easier just to bury my head in the sand and to try to find a distraction, anything other than grieving or coming to terms with our loss.

So I did the same thing I always did when I was trying to avoid thinking: I put on bright red lipstick, dyed my hair a different colour (this time, a dark auburn) and threw myself back into my work with my head held high.

I had received a couple of emails from Dave Rose whilst I was on tour requesting my assistance in helping record a couple of albums and EPs if I was up for it on my break. Of course I couldn't say no, and I knew that Dave would have spoken to Nick who would tell him I would be looking for something to do. I couldn't help it, for me it was either work myself to the point of near exhaustion or sit at home and think about my problems, or God forbid, actually speak to someone about my feelings towards our recent situation.

Understandably, this grated on Josh's nerves. It all came to a head over dinner one night. We had cooked dinner together, sharing a joke or two and listening to music, just trying to keep some sense of normality, all the while trying to be careful of Josh's arm and shoulder, which was in a pink sling matching his hair perfectly. It was a joke gift from Tyler, but Josh still wore it with pride- even if only around the house. It wasn't until after we had laid the table, and sat down to dinner that Josh had decided to bring up that topic.

"Ava?" I looked up, a piece of spaghetti hanging out of my mouth as I tried to suck it into my mouth quickly. Elegant as always, Ava! "I really think we need to talk about it."

I froze mid mouthful. "I really don't think we need to. Not yet anyway. Just give it a little more time. Please, Josh."

Josh frowned as soon as the words had left my mouth. He calmly set his cutlery down on his plate, taking a small sip of the wine before continuing.

"Ava. It's almost been a week. Haven't I indulged your denial for long enough? I don't think it's healthy to bottle up your emotions like that. Please, just talk to me about it. About how you feel. Please?" I could hear in his voice that he was near the point of pleading with me.

I shook my head, I wasn't going to discuss this now, and I certainly wasn't going to let it ruin the evening.

"Why don't we talk about it later and just enjoy the evening. We could watch the X-Files and cuddle after dinner?" I knew instantly that the words had annoyed Josh. He looked pissed, an expression that he hadn't directed towards me for quite some time. I'd almost forgotten how much that look scared me.

"Alright Ava, you've had enough time with your head in the clouds. We need to talk about our son, this-this thing between us is festering and-"

"We don't have a son Josh. We lost him. There's no point talking about it, it won't change anything." I could see the anger rise on Josh's face.

"How the hell can you sit there and act so apathetic? How can you be so blunt? You must be in denial, Ava! Pull your head out of your ass and realise that you're being nothing but cold hearted! You've just lost your child and you think the world should just carry on as normal? Everything has changed Ava!" Josh almost roared at me, screaming at the top of his lungs, tears filling his eyes, as he stood up slamming his hand on the table.