There's A Fine Line Between Love And Hate

Chapter Twenty Three- So Try To Love Me...

Jordan left the room, telling us he would be downstairs, if we needed him, and shut the door behind us. Silence fell over the room. Neither Josh nor I knew what to do or say.

I could feel Josh look at me, but every time I had moved my eyes from the ground to him, he quickly looked away. As soon as I looked away, I could feel his eyes on me again. This continued for what felt like half an hour. In reality, it was probably more like 5 minutes.

I opened my mouth, not sure what to say but wanting more than anything to rid the awkward silence that was enveloping the room. Clearly Josh had the same idea as we began to talk simultaneously.

"Sorry I-"

"Well what-"

We both apologised and I motioned for Josh to speak first.

"Go on, you speak."

Josh finally looked up at me. "I don't know how to tell you this."

I waited for Josh to continue, and held his hand gently, trying to make him feel a little more at ease.

"Ava, I know I wasn't the kindest person to you when we first met. I know I was rude, I was a complete ass to you. I didn't want to be rude to you, but I felt things would be easier for us if I pushed you away and kept you away from me."

This caught my attention as I remembered how we have acted towards each other at the beginning of my time in Ohio.

"When I first saw you, it was over Tyler's shoulder. I was walking past him and this photo was up on the laptop screen. He was trying to research you online after Dave Rose had given your name as a reference. The photo that appeared, was of you with a band at the Maida Vale studios. And I thought you were beautiful. You had such a lovely smile and such pretty eyes. As I sat down with Tyler, we read more and more about you; your charity work, your work portfolio, various events and festivals you were involved with, and you just seemed perfect for the job. We even called a couple of the bands you had previously worked with, and they couldn't have recommended you more. It seemed like no one would say a bad thing about you, professionally or personally. Maybe you were just too good to be true. Then Dave told us about your fiance, and we began to lose hope of getting you to work with us."

My breath caught in my throat, I didn't know Josh knew much about Evan. I had never known that Josh knew so much about me or how he felt about me, nevermind the fact that the guys had clearly spent a fair bit of time reseaching me and checking my credentials. Josh continued.

"Tyler and I didn't know what had happened with your fiance, but when we got the call to say you were coming over, we were so excited!  I couldn't believe I would finally meet you. At the first meeting, I was so nervous I couldn't even look up. My stomach flipped every time I had looked at you. I tried to concentrate on anything but you."

Josh had spent the whole time during the meeting either staring at the clock or frantically typing on his phone. I thought back and remembered his leg shaking and bouncing up and down too. The more I thought about it, the more I realised that he had been displaying anxious behaviour. The thought that Josh might have been anxious too at the time we first met hasn't even crossed my mind until now!

"I was texting Jordan asking what to do. He was the only one who knew how in awe I was of you. He told just to be calm and be polite, but I knew I was putting up a wall with you. Trying to keep my distance, so I snapped at you. And I continued snapping almost daily until that night that I had the panic attack. I wasn't expecting anyone to hear me, nevermind to come to check on me. I was more than shocked when I saw you, and I didn't want you to see me like that. Then you told me everything was going to be okay and helped reassure me. I think that was the moment I knew I was in love with you."