I sighed as I was once again home alone. Not really surprised honestly. I would have been surprised if Lauren came home tonight. She's been acting distant she's finds any excuse not to be with me.
Like a couple days of ago I asked her if she wanted to go out to eat with me but she said that she had to do something with Dinah. Then I asked her if she could go to my brothers wedding with me but she said she was busy with her music. So I had to go solo. Then I asked her if she wanted to go to one of performances but she said she couldn't go cause of a photo shoot she had.
I've been in these small performing competitions and surprisingly I made it to the last round along with this guy. So tomorrow I'll be performing. And I'll admit I'm bit excited and nervous. I'm going to ask Lauren if she can go. But this time it'll be the last time I ask her.
I've been working on a song that I'd perform. That was the point of the last round you had to write your own song. So they gave me and Connor some time to write the song. They gave us a week.
I finished the song yesterday. It's about me. About my pain. The pain I've been feeling. I've been putting my pain and the hurt I've been feeling away. I've been hiding it from everyone. So wrote the song to show everyone I'm not happy as I seem to be.
**
I woke up the next morning at 7:42 in the morning to an empty bed. I sighed and ran my fingers through my hair. This is it.
After showering and getting dressed into a dress that my mom picked out and some black heels to make me look a bit taller. I let my hair down in it natural waves. I only but on a little makeup. Once I was done I picked up my coat.
I walked down stairs to see that it was empty. Clearly not surprised. I sighed and picked up my keys walking out the door shutting the door and locking it.
***
Once I arrived to the small theater. I took out my phone texting Lauren.
MyLoLo🙈❤: I'm performing today at the Avenue Theater. It starts at 6:30. I would have asked you if you wanted to come in person but you weren't at this morning. It'd mean a lot if you did come. I'm really tired of doing this Lauren. If you come than I know there's still a chance for us but if you don't then I'm sorry for not being good enough for you.
I whipped my tears away and got our of my car.
**
Conor was chosen to go first which I was kind of thankful for. He said that he'd be singing a song called R U Crazy.
Wow he's doing good. I would be surprised if he won. He smiled at the crowd as he bowed and waved at crowd. They cheered and clapped.
"Okay the last one. Here is Y/N Y/LN." One of the announcers said. I smiled slightly and walked towards the piano. I sat down as it got quite. I looked up at crowd hoping I'd see Lauren but I didn't. I sighed and looked down at keys. "This song is called Let it Hurt. I hope you guys like it."
I then started playing the keys.
Seven forty two in the morning
Eight seconds before it all sinks in
I put on a best face on for the world
Fake another smile and just pretend
But I'm just puttin' off the pain
Nothing's ever really gonna change
So let it hurt, let it bleed
I'll Let it take right down to my knees
Let it burn to the worst degree
May not be what I want, but it's what I need
Sometimes the only way around it
Is to let love do it's work
And let it hurt
Yeah, let it hurt
Three twenty eight in the morning
Countin' up the spaces between the rain
I'm gettin' used to the rocks at the bottom
My heart goes numb, but the lonely stays the same
And that's the price I'm bound to pay
And there's really nothing anyone can say
Oh, there's only just one way
So let it hurt, let it bleed
I'll Let it take me right down to my knees
Let it burn to the worst degree
May not be what I want, but it's what I need
Sometimes the only way around it
Is to let love do it's work
So go on
Yeah, let it hurt
I might just find I'm better for it
When I let go and I learn
To let it hurt, let it bleed
I'll Let it take me right down to my knees
Oh
Sometimes the only way around it
Is to let love do it's work
So go on
And let it hurt
Oh, let it hurt
Seven forty two in the morning
Eight seconds before it all sinks in
I looked up as tears blurred my vision some escaped my eyes rolling down my cheeks. Everyone bursted out in cheers standing up clapping.
I smiled slightly whipping my tears away.
After Conor came back out to the stage as we stood together holding hands. The winner got a chance to got to this trip to help the animals and children in different countries. For a month. This competition was for Youtubers and some other people this started off with like a hundred people probably more bit the last ones were Conor and I.
I felt Conor pull me into a hug. Wait what? What happened? He smiled down at me. Did he win? "Congratulations Y/NN you deserved this." Oh shit I won. I smiled and hugged him.
***
I sat on the stage everyone went home I was the only one here. Me and some security guards. I guess Lauren and I are over. I got up and walked backstage getting my coat and making my way out of the building towards my car. I put on my coat fixing my hair and going down the steps. I stopped when I saw who was standing at the end of the steps with their head down.
But I knew exactly who she was. I walked down the steps walking past her towards my car. "Y/N wait!" I heard her running after. She took a hold of my wrist making stop and turn around. I took my wrist out of her hands.
"Y/N let me expl-" I turned around and walked away. My heart hurts too much right now. I just wanted to go to sleep. "Y/N wait please let me explain." She said running in front of making me stop.
"Pl- Why should I? I mean you Cleary don't care about me. Why should I give you a chance when you didn't give me one? Why should I? No I'm done. I'm so done. I can't believe you made me believe you loved me. God you played me like a fool. God I'm so stupid." I chuckled shaking my head as tears rolled down my cheeks. She went to speak but I cut her off. "I'm sorry for not being good enough for you. I wasn't important to you to be on your high priority list." With that I turned around and walked away.
I reached my car taking bout my keys unlocking the door. Before I had a chance to open the door I was quickly turned around and brought into the embrace I've missed so much.
But right now I couldn't. I tried pushing her off but she hugged me tighter. So I eventually gave up hugging her back and crying into her chest.
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for making you believe I didn't love you. Y/N I love you. I love you so much. And I'm scared. I was- I am scared that I love you so much. I love you so much that if you had a gun to my chest and you were going to shoot me. I'd let you. I'd let you shoot me. I love you so much that I'd let you kill me. Y/N I love you. I'm sorry I hurt you I really am. I'm just scared I've never felt like this before and I'm-I'm it's-it's just- I-" I quickly cut her off by bringing our lips together.
I wrapped my arms around her neck pulling her down a little. Even though I was wearing heels I was still too short.
The kiss was filled love and passion. I could feel Lauren trying to put in all her emotions into the kiss.
Once air was needed we pulled away. "I'm sorry." She sued looking down at me. "it's okay just don't do it again" she nodded.
"I love you."
"I love you too."
****
😊✌
