Arrows in the Dark

Downward Spiral

*One week later*

I wake up with a dry throat and itchy eyes, surrounded by a pile of bottles. I haven't drunk all of them in one day i just haven't bothered to clean up. I shake my head and blink a couple times trying to see through the glorious sunlight. It's maybe a little too bright. I'm laying on my stomach splayed out in the living room near my couch. I think i tried to lay on it last night, but I'm on the floor. Close enough. It's the fourth week of July. A Wednesday i think. I can't remember the day but then again I could care less. It's been exactly a week since i last saw Peeta and the rest of my friends for that matter. I still see their mothers of course just not them. I've been avoiding everyone. I stop into the Everdean and Hawthorne house and don't even make time to talk. I basically bolt out of the house right after I give them the money, then I make a beeline straight for Ripper buy my ten bottles and head back to my house.

Of course I've made a point of still handing out money when I walk through the Seam but I'm also just slightly hungover when i do. I get out there late. Later than usual for me. I do it to avoid Peeta. I've heard whispers that he arrives early in the morning. They wonder why we don't do it together like that one day. They think something happened, but nobody is sure. I don't even try to hide the fact that i drink anymore. Sometimes when walking home from the Hob i'll pull out a bottle and drink it like it's water. I usually finish off a bottle that way before locking myself in my house. It's harder for me to get out that way and do whatever drunk people do. If I'm going to drink in my house it's going to stay in my house. Nobody else needs to see that I'm a complete and total train wreck.

Bleary eyed i palm my hand over my eyelids and watch the colors dance around before opening them again and shielding my eyes from the harsh sunlight. Sitting up proves difficult. The bottles clink and clank as they run into each other once i begin to shift. I turn myself over onto my back and prepare for the head rush i'll get when i'm in an upright position. I sit up. there it is. I moan and press my fingers to the sides of my head and rub slow gentle circles. The throbbing is a dull ache. Always a dull ache. The roar of it will come sometime later today but by then i'll be drinking. I sigh and open my eyes again looking around my living room. I don't really know what i do when i'm drunk. I can't remember.

Sometimes broken bottles, blood stained knuckles, paired with fist sized holes in the wall reveal that i can be an angry drunk but most of the time i wake up looking like I've just cried an ocean of tears. I look down at my hands now. No blood. No new dents in the wall. I sigh and grab the arm of my couch before heaving myself up. My limbs feel numb and it takes a couple minutes of walking back and forth to get the feel of things again. Running a hand through my unruly dark hair i shake it out trying to remember the last time i took a shower or had a bath. Now might be the time to have one. I head upstairs treading softly, silently. The pounding headache is coming sooner than expected and i don't know if that's a good thing or not. Most likely not.

I head to my room first grabbing all the clothes i'll need and stripping the ones I've worn for possibly a few days already. Judging by the dirt stains i'd say that's about right. I slip into the bathroom and close the door shut. I fill the tub a little over halfway with warm water before shutting off the faucet. I hop in and slide down so i become completely submerged in it. The tub's big enough for a family of three and i don't understand why someone would need that much room. I come up out of the water as soon as the air leaves my lungs. Grabbing some soap i scrub away all the dirt and grim of the past couple of days. Then i grab some bottle of sweet smelling shampoo and practically pour the whole contents in my hair. I massage my scalp and close my eyes until it's one big foamy mess before i dunk my hair back into the water and wash it all away.

I stare at the dirty water for a couple minutes before getting out and stepping on the bath mat and reaching for a towel off the rack. I wrap one around my body and grab another for my wet hair. I wring out my wet hair trying to soak up as much of the water as i can. Then i pile everything up in my towel onto my head and begin to change into fresh clothes. I pull on clean undergarments and then my dark pants over that plus some long socks which i stuff into my boots. I put on a plain cotton shirt and then grab up my jacket i hadn't bothered to put in the pile of dirty things. I pulled the towel off my head shook out my hair and flipped my head up throwing my hair onto my back. I stared at myself in the floor length mirror. I've certainly looked better but at least i was presentable.