Arrows in the Dark

Begin Again

A/N: I've been staling and i apologize. I was waiting for a big enough argument that would tear them to shreds. To the point where Catora would never want to speak to him again. This was big enough right? Tell me what you think. I really want to know. I also just didn't want to begin the "second book". Sheer laziness on my part.

*Four Months Later*

From the end of August the months just seem to fly by. Before i realize it it's September, October then November. December comes all too quickly. The month I've been dreading. We have to start up again. It's back into the limelight with the cameras, the makeup. Pretending to be in love with Peeta. Or actually being in love with him and his just pretending. I'm not ready. I'm really not ready. I haven't seen much of him in past four months. I've tried to avoid him as much as possible. I leave out my front door but much earlier than need be. I get to Katniss' house before she's even awake sometimes. When she's not awake i head over to hte Hawthorne house. Gale is usually up at this time and preparing for work in the mines. The dark clothes they have to wear doesn't diminish his features. He still looks young and fit. It's his eyes that set it off. They're dark and sad and full of longing whenever he see's me. I wish i could make it all better but i only make it worse.

I think the past few months have been harder on him than they should've been. He's tried to kiss me on multiple occasions and i keep pushing him back and reminding him how much Katniss love's him. He always looks at me sadly and says, "But i love you." i never know how to respond so i don't. I let the silence sink in and i watch it tear into his very soul. I wish he would give up on me but spending more time with him isn't helping either. I can't help that he's one of the only people i trust though. While Gale is away in the mines Katniss and i hunt. We've even started showing Gale's little brother, Rory, around so he can familiarize himself with his surroundings. He's very curious but also very stiff and hard. Like Gale. Maybe a little too much like Gale. He has the same mind as him and he's fairly good at what he does. He's killed a couple animals so far on our outings. He's not as good a shot as Katniss and I but he'll get better with time.

Prim, Posy and Vick have gotten very cautious around me. I think their mothers told them i was in a bad place and shouldn't be bothered but they come anyways when i call. Arms open looking at me a bit scared like i might lash out at them. I put on my best smile and hug them to me tightly. They smile when they pull away but they'll forever be wary around me. That is my own doing though and it shouldn't hurt but it does. I still love them and wish i could tell them that i would never mean them harm. I feel like if i say it out loud though my problems will feel all to more real. I've started hanging around my house more and the bakery. My parents were thrilled. I go usually over to their house for most meals and if i can't talk to Peeta, his brother's are the next best thing.

Corin isn't much for talking but Tanner is. He's always so happy to see me. Apparently Peeta doesn't come around much so having me there, for him, is the next best thing. He still believes in the whole Peeta Catora romance. He asks me non-stop questions about how we're doing, the Capitol, the food. He's very interested in everything. I told him about Peeta's drawings leaving out the one's he has of me. "He's always been good at that kind of stuff you know? It came in handy in the arena too. To my surprise." Tanner shrugs and i laugh nervously with him.

He tried getting me to open up about the people i killed but i always clam up and make up some excuse about going. Eventually he got the hint and stopped asking. "How come both of you haven't come in, you know together? I've seen one or the other. You more than Peeta. Are you guys fighting or something?" The question made me uneasy while I sat on the counter by the cash register. Mrs. Mellark came in one day to find me like that and almost beat me. I bought half the bread in her bakery to get her off my back. I later passed it around to all the people down at the Seam. She scoffs and turns up her nose whenever she sees me now.