Arrows in the Dark

Pushing Me Away

*Two weeks later*

I wake up frustrated and upset. It's the second week of August now. The air is warm and everything is sticky. I long for the winter months. They are my favorite. But for now were stuck with the heat and humidity. I roll off of my bed. I hadn't bothered to put the covers over my body it made it worse. What i really needed right now was a shower or.. A swim. I thought back to the little waterfall that dropped down into the crystal clear pool that Katniss and her dad found. She showed it to me after her father passed. Sometimes on days like this we went out there. I don't know if Gale has ever been out there. I've never asked. He's never been there with us though. I longed to go there now but.. I couldn't.

So grabbing some fresh clothes i headed toward my bathroom and took a shower letting the steam fog up the bathroom mirrors and hang in the air. Stepping out i shook my wet tangled hair and wrapped the towel securely under my arms. I cleared up the mirror using my hand and sighed at my reflection. My head begins to throb painfully and i watched myself grimace. Here it comes. The constant headache. I know how to fix it. More alcohol. I have a system now. Don't drink it all at once. Drink it periodically throughout the day. You're less likely to get hungover, less likely to throw up and more likely to feel the full affect of it.

I changed slowly. I was in no hurry to get down to the Seam. I would go when i please. They've noticed my horrible mood swings. One week I'm drunk. One week I'm normal and smiling. The next week I'm drunk again. I'm hopping I'm hiding it better though. I've told Mrs. Everdean and Mrs. Hawthorne that I''m just tiered. that's it. Tiered. But Mrs. Everdean desn't let Prim near me and Posy and Vick no longer come out to greet me. I try not to seem disappointed. This is my doing, not there mothers, but that doesn't mean it won't hurt.

I no longer use my front door. I've gotten accustomed to hopping the fences of the houses just to avoid Peeta, that and locking my front door. Sometimes he comes and knocks. Sometimes i answer. I think he's just checking to see if I'm alive. The days i don't answer he yells at me through the door. I yell back and he leaves. It's more annoying than comforting. I don't think he actually cares about me. I think he just doesn't want to be alone in this. I mean he has Haymitch to talk to if he wants to reminisce over the Games but Haymitch isn't one for talking. Right after we got off the train and the cameras left, Haymitch was back to his blubbering drinking self. He doesn't acknowledge us and we don't acknowledge him. At least i don't. I think Peeta's tried once, but either Haymitch doesn't remember us or Peeta pissed him off bad enough for him to begin throwing bottles. I would've done the same thing. Haymitch and i are more alike then i would like to admit.

I head down the stairs and pull open my back door grabbing my empty hunting bag as i step outside. I check my pouch for the coins, feeling them jingle slightly i purse my lips and walk over to my fence. It's not old or rickety like one would imagine of a house that's not been lived in for the past 74 years. I suppose the Capitol keeps them up and running and looking neat. Just in case our District ever won. And here I am. I throw my empty bag over first and grab the tops of the wooden fence and find my footholds. I've done this enough times i could probably climb it blindfolded. Not that I'd ever try. It's just a thought. I sigh as i drop down on the other side of the fence in the neighboring yard. Just fifteen more to go.

"Catora. Catora! Hey! You ok?" the voice startles me. I blink a few times and shield my eyes from the bright sunlight. Where am i? I can't remember. Wait. My house right? My Victor House. Out on the steps. Who is in front of me? They're speaking but it's like i can't hear them. Their voice is drowned out and my vision is cloudy. "Catroa!" they shout shaking my arm a little now. My eyes focus and it's someone I've been avoiding for almost two weeks now. Peeta.

"What the heck Peeta!" i grumble pushing him away from me. "Get away from me." i say forcefully trying to cover my eyes so he won't look at me and vice versa.