Nothing Like Us (L.H.)

Chapter 54

Aye.
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Sydny's POV

December 25, 11:18 PM
NEW YORK CITY

I've been here for a couple of weeks, but I admit, I still can't get my way around the city. It's just... huge! I go out the streets, and I'm surrounded by skyscrapers and people. Sure, L.A. has people. And it also has buildings. But New York is just... filled with them. Or at least the part that I've explored.

For the first few weeks, I stayed with Lou at this flat that she shares with her family. Although her husband, Tom, wasn't in New York yet. So it was fine. But then he came today, so I had to leave because that's just awkward. And Lou has helped me so much. So, right now I'm in a hotel in Times Square. It's Christmas, but it doesn't feel like it. The hotel hallways and lobby are decorated with Christmas things. Wreaths, Christmas balls, even the deer's head hanging on the wall of the lobby was wearing a Santa Hat, which I find a little creepy. Anyway, I decided to stay in since I had nowhere to go.

This was my first Christmas that I spent alone. Lou asked me to join her and her family. Since they were staying in New York for the holidays, I got her to talk with the school and fix all my papers. Actually, she was the only one I told going to New York about. I feel guilty not telling Melissa. I feel guilty not telling Luke.

Luke. He's the reason why. Why I haven't given up on myself. Why I hadn't spent my first Christmas without my mum so lonely. Why I am the person that I am now. Why I'm here.

My first thought was that I wanted to run away. I did a terrible thing to Nick, and yes, slap me, punch me, kick me. I couldn't just get over that that easily. He loved me in ways I never thought I was meant to be loved. He was everything anyone could dream of. But there's just one problem. He's not Luke. The moment that I started getting close to that person that I was trying so hard to get away from, I just lost it. I knew what I had was great, but with him, I keep on finding reasons to stay.

But I love Luke, because he is Luke. I don't think there's any other explanation.

I'm a terrible person for doing what I did. The reasons are still the same. Yes, I was running away. But this is more than just that. This is finding what I lost in the process of hurting and getting hurt: myself.

When I went here, I know it would be hard. It's almost like starting again completely. Except I'm not here to stay. I never meant to. But I didn't want anyone to know where I am. So I changed my number, and didn't tell anyone, but Lou, that I was leaving. I know I was going to be miserable being alone, especially since it's the holidays. But ever since I got here, I have a feeling like I'm in a renewal. And in all the ways the count, I guess I am. Something about New York makes you think like you're actually going to make it.

Yesterday, I asked Lou to chop some of my hair off. Now it stops at the middle of my chest. It feels weird and light, but also cool. Some people say cutting your hair might help you move on. Well, I guess it's working. I've spent almost two weeks without contacting my friends. The last I've texted was Charlie, and that was before I left. I just had to make sure that someone is out there, looking for Luke because I know he won't take this lightly. Besides that, na-da. But you know who else knows that I'm here?

Andy.

I didn't intend for it to happen. I was feeling sad when I realized that everyone else is in Sydney, enjoying each other's company. But then I realized Andy wasn't. So two days in, I called him.

"No fucking way." He said. "You're crazy! We've all been worried sick, you son of a bitch."

"I'm sorry!" I sighed.