Belief

0.9

The coldness of the night came gushing in, matching the temperature of my frozen heart. My breath stopped short when I saw who had come to visit. The unexpected visitor I was not ready to face just yet.

I looked up to see his blue eyes staring at me, a soft stare that took every ounce to repel. Every ounce to not get sucked in. I could already feel the soft worry in his glistening eyes, creeping into my slowly thawing heart. It took all of my self-control not to defrost. Not to smile and jump into his arms. Not to fall for the dimply grin I thought belonged to only me. Thought.

Yet, the dimply grin was nowhere to be found. Instead his teeth were lightly grazing his lip ring, his hand finding a home on the back of his neck.

I wondered if he could sense my insecurities, as if they were written across the silent air between us. Uncertainty took over me, contemplating on whether I should keep my guard built up. Denying his entrance to the other side. For once I was the one hiding, and he was the one struggling to get a vision into my mind. As much as I wanted to know, needed to know what went wrong, I knew I had to keep myself from falling into his gaze.

All of these thoughts attacked my mind within a matter of seconds before I forced myself to pull out of his deep blue pool of secrets that were staring at me, daring me to enter. I had to prevent myself from drowning before it was too hard to resurface. Before I had to gasp for air.

As my eyes shifted to my feet, his eyes fell to the ground. I owed it to myself to keep my guard up, Jonah's words replaying in my head.

"Hi Maddie," Luke's soft voice broke the barrier of silence. I was unsure of what to do, what to say, what to feel. My mind swarmed with internal battles, none of which had a clear outcome.

"Hi," I frowned, my eyebrows furrowing, "Why are you here?" It was supposed to come out harsh, to scare him off, but instead it came out as an immutable whisper filled with hurt.

"I wanted to explain to you," his hand ran through his hair, "I wanted to tell you what happened because it is not what you think."

I stood there in silence for a moment, unsure of how to respond. I wish these moments came with a script. With the right things to say, showing me how I was supposed to act and feel because right now I was lost.

"It doesn't seem like there is much to explain," I bite the inside of my cheek, begging myself not to breakdown.

"Yes there is. That girl- she is no one to me. You don't understand-"He begins, but I cut him off.

"It's not like we were anything serious, I can't blame you for wanting to have fun. Especially with her, she was a lot more gorgeous than I will ever be," the words came out with a mind of their own, the passage from my brain to my mouth blocked with fear, and the shard of confidence I had remaining.

"No, she has nothing on you," his eyes searched me for a sign of belief. Trying to find a way in, but I was locked tight. "Just because we aren't serious yet-"he stopped midsentence, I looked at him confused. Waiting for him to go on.

"I can't put it into words, what I am feeling. I've never been someone who wanted a relationship. I've never been the kind of guy who could put his feelings into words, or say what I am thinking. I've never been the kind of guy to take a girl out on a proper date, or feel like I had to try hard to impress her. I've never been the guy who tries to chase someone, or is constantly thinking about her. With you, I feel different. I know you won't believe me, but you make me want to be one of those guys," he finished his last sentence in an almost whisper. My heart was beating against its cage, the ice melting into a puddle of mixed emotions. Unable to process my feelings and his words together.