Belief

1.5

Waking up to the shrieking sounds of my alarm is never a pleasant feeling, but after rubbing my eyes and walking to the bathroom, a newly familiar tingling sensation found its way to my lips, reminiscing on the nights events. The memory of Luke's warm touch awakened me, leaving a smile on my exhausted face. Despite all that went wrong within the past twenty four hours, all my mind could focus on was the way his lips felt against mine. A new feeling that I was already addicted too.

Yet, replaying those few minutes in my mind couldn't fully block out the tugging at the strings to my consciousness. It was as if my mind couldn't let me enjoy just a few moments of blissful calamity. A few minutes to relish the good. As much as I tried to block the nagging, the more I tried to avoid it, the harder it tugged, until the strings snapped and I was breathlessly reminded of the dark turns that the night had taken. Memories flooded past the gates I had tried ever so hard to keep locked, to keep the good memories separated from the ones I wished I would have forgotten during my sleep. Images of Luke fighting Michael, Michael storming away, the words he harshly spoke to me, all of it became muddled in my thoughts. I sighed, putting on my thin layer of makeup, brushing out my hair, and slipping into jeans and a lace top.

I wish there was a way to turn off my mind completely, and only remember the memories that I wish I could live in forever.

School was more of a torture than usual today. Each period felt like time was going in reverse, my eyes slowly drifting out of focus with each tick of the clock.

"Are you alright?" Jonah's voice whispered next to me in history, his eyes full of concern. I straightened up, lifting my head off the desk, blinking back into reality.

"Erm, yeah, I'm just a bit tired I guess," I shrug, a bit embarrassed. I didn't like the way he was looking at me, that look of pity. If I was off of my "A game" for even a minute it seemed like the whole world was looking down on me. I hated the pressure of a mother who only liked me if I was smart. I hated the pressure of being surrounded by friends who were competing for ranks, competing for anything and everything. For just a moment I wanted a break, to just be an average student. If I did that, the fake façade I've spent a lifetime building up would crumple down. If it did, what would be left standing? I wasn't sure who I was without school. It seemed as if I was known for my grades, for my achievements, for the standards I have met. Maybe that is why I liked Ashton and the boys so much, because they didn't like me for all the things I've done, none of that mattered to them, they like me because of who I am as a person. They liked my quirks, my clumsiness, and my childish amusements.

"Is everything alright? Yano, with them," he raised his eyebrows. Why couldn't he just say Luke?

"Yes," I snapped, but immediately regretting it, "I just went to bed late that's all," but I could tell I wasn't fooling him. Why did he have to be so damn smart?

"Everyone clear your desk, it's time for your quiz," my teacher called out. My stomach dropped. A quiz? I glanced nervously at Jonah.

"You didn't study?" he looked as if I had just told him I murdered someone. "How could you forget?" he asked. Just as I was about to speak he cut me off, "Let me guess, you were tired?"

I didn't answer. I didn't understand why he was being like this today. "Did I do something?" I question him, trying to cover some of my hurt. Jonah was that friend who was always nice to me, even if I didn't deserve it. Then again, I've always expected him to be nice to me.

"No, I just think you need to be careful," he shrugged, his voice turning to a whisper as the teacher got closer, "I think those boys are ruining you."

What?

Before I could say anything else, before I could let his words seep deep enough to wound me, a quiz was placed atop my desk. My heart began to beat fast as I dared to look at the first question. How could I not study? I always study, even when I don't need to. Relief found me as I read the first few questions, I had already read all this last week when I had gotten ahead on all of my work. The day I spent distracting my mind from Luke. I was the first person finished, smirking at Jonah as I walked back to my desk.