Belief

2.0

Luke's POV

Wednesday

I still haven't decided whether I wanted to forgive Michael. I had been going back and forth in my mind all night. Its been a few days since I got a real night's sleep. I spend the nights tossing and turning with each fighting thought. Yet, I thought it was finally time to get out of my room. I could only stare at these white walls for so long.

I slipped on my beanie and sweatpants, not even bothering to comb my hair or change my shirt. I made my way over to the door, grabbing my guitar and notebook on my way out. I purposely avoided the mirror, knowing I would see a broken boy staring back at me, deprived of sleep and emotion.

By the looks of it, Michael had already left. Good, that saved me an awkward car ride. I decided to put that internal battle on hold for now. One step at a time. It was enough of a struggle to get out of bed this morning.

I turned on my music, hoping for some sort of song to lift my broken spirits.

Where are you and I'm so sorry

I cannot sleep I cannot dream tonight

I need somebody and always

This sick strange darkness

Comes creeping on so haunting every time

My emotions got the best of me as I quickly changed the station.

A drop in the ocean,

A change in the weather,

I was praying that you and me might end up together.

It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert,

I turned off the radio in anger, pressing the off button a little too harshly. Damn was there anything that didn't remind me of her? Its like this cloud of deprivation and pain was following wherever I went.

I parked out front of Ashton's house. I was surprised at the fact I could even get my body to move. This was an improvement. I took the all too familiar path to his garage. I walked over to the back door, opening it quietly to find the three boys sitting on the dusty concrete floor. They were quietly talking, heads together, looking over some crumbled pieces of paper.

I walked in awkwardly, their eyes widening at the sight of me. I must look like shit.

Calum looked at me with pity, Michael looked nervous, glancing away after I made eye contact with him, and Ashton covered up his pity with fake hopefulness.

"Hey Luke, how are you feeling?" Ashton talked slowly as if I was some sick child.

"Fine," I lied, but I wasn't fine at all.

I made a mental note to write that down later.

"We were just practicing a new song, want to try it out?" Calum tried me, a pitiful smile on his face. I hated pity. Ashton gave him a warning look, shaking his head as if to stop Calum. Did they think I was that weak? Then again, I was the one who had been locked in my room for the past few days.

"Yeah, let's do it," I shrug, wanting to show them I was fine. I could handle this. I was capable of moving on.

They got up, dusting off their bottoms before going to their rehearsal places. Ashton sat on his drums while Calum and Mikey stood beside me. Did I just call him Mikey? Maybe I was improving.

 They began to play the beat. I nodded my head along, adding my guitar to the mix, catching on to the rhythm. I craved this feeling. It was so easy to get lost in our music. I suppose they have been working on this in my absence, Calum handed me the pieces of paper which had scrawled writing on it. He nodded to me, signaling when it was time for me to come in.