Girl (completed)

14

   "What do you want to talk about?" He asked, and suddenly every emotion I pushed down about him came bubbling up to the surface. All of the anger, the love, and most of all, the heartbreak. Tears streamed down my cheeks and it was obvious that I was crying to John.
  "Why? Tell me why you didn't tell me goodbye, and why you didn't write or call!" I shouted, tears running faster now.
  "Blaire, don't cry. Please, don't cry," he pleaded, but I couldn't control it. I couldn't stop myself from crying.
  "I want you to know that I found somebody who loves me, and I'm happy now!" I shouted, wanting him to feel everything I had felt for the last few days. The constant weight of him dragging me down.
  "What?" He asked, and I took a breath, trying to speak more clearly.
  "I found someone who loves me," I repeated, and John just breathed into the phone heavily for a moment before answering. I imaged him sitting by the hook, his back against the wall.
  "I loved you, Blaire," he said, and then corrected himself, "I mean, I still love you," he said, and I felt my heart ache a little more. I thought calling him would give me closure, but it just made me feel worse somehow. I closed my eyes, and imagined a world where we could be together, but that world was light years away, and that just couldn't happen. I couldn't seem to reach my happy ending.
  "No, you don't," I argued, hoping that he had truly let me go. It would be so much easier if he did.
  "Yes, I always have, I think," he said, and I walked over to the window, the cord pulling, and just barely reaching it. I pushed my white curtains aside and looked out. The moon was beautiful, and I once again imagined maybe he was looking at it. Maybe all of my demons were looking at the same moon that I was, and that made us seem just a little closer somehow.
  "Why didn't you tell me goodbye, then? We could have been together!" I yelled, angry now. All he had to do was get out of the damn car, and he could've had my heart, but now it's too late.
"Because I couldn't!" He yelled, and my face twisted into one of shock.
  "What do you mean you couldn't?" I asked, the anger draining from my voice and being replaced with sheer confusion.
  "I couldn't bear telling you goodbye, okay? I thought that maybe if I didn't do it, it wouldn't be real, because it's not just six weeks," John said, and I was taken back.
"Well how long are you going to be gone then?" I asked, oblivious to his actual meaning.
"I mean that it's for the rest of our lives, Blaire! We can never be together!" John shouted, and I opened my mouth to say something, anything, but the silence lingered.
  "We could've been," I said finally, almost too quiet to hear.
"No, Blaire. It was never meant to be, and I can't be around you, because I'm always reminded of the love that could've been, but will never be," he said, calming down a bit, and my tears ran slowly, like a winding river down my cheeks.
  "Why couldn't it have been?" I asked, and John sighed.
  "Because, we're from worlds apart. I'm a bad kid that's going nowhere fast, and you're the smart girl that has a future. I would just weigh you down," he said, and I grimaced, did he really think of himself that way?
"No, John. Listen to me, you do not weigh me down, okay? And you're smart and talented, okay?" I said, and his spirits seemed to lighten a bit, as did mine, "and I could've loved you," I said quietly, the sadness present in my voice.
  "You still could! We could be together," john proposed, and I clenched my fists in anger. I was mad at him, mad at the situation, but mostly mad at myself.
  "No, we can't. I've given my heart away, John. It's too late now," I said in defeat.
  "Well maybe one day. I'll never stop loving you, Blaire," he said, and I gulped. As much as I was angry at him for putting me in this situation, I knew deep down that he would always be in my heart too.
  "Goodnight, John."
  "Goodnight, Blaire."
•••
Ohhhhh yikes 🤗