Girl (completed)

41

###TRIGGER WARNING###
  John and I had decided that the best thing was for the babies to sleep in the nursery, and I'd sleep in the guest room. We also had a mutual unsaid understanding that I'd stay in my room and we would have the least amount of interactions as possible.
  At around 3 AM, I heard the babies cry and I walked tirdly to their room, calming them down. As soon as I got them quiet, I heard what had woken them up; a headboard banging against the wall. I don't know if it was because I was tired, or if I was just sad, but something snapped. I was livid.
  I stormed to John's room and barhed in without even knocking.
  "Get the hell out!" John yelled, and quickly covered him and Savanna up with the covers.
  "You woke them up," I said through gritted teeth, and savanna's eyes went wide. I don't think I'd ever taken that tone with anyone.
  "Feed them or something," he whined, and I took a deep breath because I could feel myself losing my shit.
  "I was sleeping," I said hostily, and he rolled his eyes and reluctantly rolled out of bed.
  "Blaire," savanna said as I was leaving, and I turned again to face her.
  "Yes?" I asked plainly, and she bit her cheek.
   "I'm really sorry," she said, and I rolled my eyes and laughed quietly.
   "Whatever," I said, and turned away. I couldn't do it anymore. I couldn't face her. I couldn't see her lying in bed with the man that I loved.
  "Savanna left," John said as we rocked them to sleep, and I nodded, still shushing her.
  "Oh," I said, and he sighed.
  "You didn't have to be so mean to her," he said, and I shrugged.
  "Does she know that tomorrow you'll be on top of someone else?" I asked, and he shrugged.
  "I think she knows," he said, and I nodded.
  "And she's okay with that?" I asked, and he nodded.
  "She seems fine with it."
  "That makes me really sad. The savanna I knew would never be okay with that," I said, and he didn't say anything back. I think he felt guilty.
  "So I've been thinking of names," he said, changing the subject.
  "Oh?" I asked, and he nodded.
  "I was thinking Julie for the girl, and you could come up with the boys name?" He said, and my chest hurt by the way he said the name. He was naming her after his mom.
  "That's beautiful," I said, and he shrugged.
  "How about Phoenix?" I asked, and he thought about it.
  "Like the bird?" He asked, and I nodded.
  "When I was a little girl, I would always imagine that I was a phoenix, and the scary parts were just the fire, and then I would come out flying gracefully," I explained, and he nodded.
  "Julie and Phoenix. Sounds perfect," he said, and I took Julie to the window, looking out onto the drsb street as tears rolled down my cheeks.
  My breath hitched in my throat, and John could tell that I was crying.
  "What's wrong?" He said, and I just shook my head, hushing her once again while rocking back and forth. I did this long after she was asleep, and looked back on a memory.
  Something suddenly woke me from my deep sleep, and I looked up to see my father standing over me, a creepy smile spreading across his face.
  Before I could say anything, he kissed me. I tried to fight him off, but he just stuck his tongue in my mouth.
  I was finally able to kick him off, and I ran to my brother's room, quickly locking the door behind me.
  Being eight, I didn't know many of the vulgar words he was calling me, such as a slut, but Georgie did.
  He woke up to me crying and Dad pounding on the door.
  "What happened?" He asked, immediantly comforting me.
  I told him the entire story, and by the time I was through, my drunken father had passed out right outside of the door.
  "Are you okay?" He asked as I was falling asleep, and I wiped my eyes.
  "I think so," I said, and decided to tell him about the birds, "Do you remember the story about the birds that Mommy told us?" I asked, and he shook his head.
  "She always called them the fire birds. They're beautiful, and when they die, they burn up in flames and are reborn as a new bird," I said, and he looked up at me from his sleeping bag on the floor. He had of course, given me the bed.
  "Okay?" He said, and I continued, not looking at him, but instead up at the tiled ceiling.
  "I think this is just the fire."
  I made George promise not to say anything, and when my dad woke up with a nasty hangover, he didn't remember a thing. That was only the beginning, but in that instant, I felt better somewhat.
•••
well maybe I should have a character that doesn't have such a fucked up past. But maybe this will help you to understand the dynamic of her and her father's relationship. And no, it isn't over. Sorry.