Girl (completed)

46

   "Blaire," I heard my brother say as I opened my eyes, and I forced a weak smile. His voice was kind, but he looked sad and tire, like he had been up for days.
   "Georgie,", I said weakly, and he sighed in relief. He walked to me and looked down at me.
   "We have been so scared," he said, and I felt remorse for what I had done, it was extremely selfish. I looked around to see John sleeping on the couch, and Paul watching in from a chair.
  "I'm so sorry," I chocked out, and he got me some water because my throat was extremely dry. I drank it quickly and continued. The hospital lights were bright, but my eyes had adjusted. It smelled like rubber gloves and hand saniter, and the smell was overpowering.
  "It's okay. Everything is okay now," he said soothingly, and I looked around frantically.
  "Where are Phoenix and Julie?!" I asked.
  "Mom is watching them, relax," he said, and I breathed in relief.
  "Oh." I said, and I couldn't seem to make eye contact with him. I instead looked out of the window at the dank day. It was raining, and the sky looked dreary.
  "So what happened?" He asked, and I breathed in deeply, the heart monitor beeping away behind me. It was annoying, but better than the silence that my thoughts attacked me in.
  "Well, as you know, everyone was coming over, and John was already there with two of your old friends, and as I was walking down, I heard them talking about me. They called me a slut, and said that I slept around, and John agreed with them," I paused to take a deep breath and remember what happened next, "so I ran up to the bathroom, and John followed me, but I locked the door and he was pounding on it, and I just took what I could find."
  "I can't believe that you would do something like that. Were you trying to..." He trailed off, the words being too harsh to say.
  "I was trying to feel again, George," I explained, and s great looked of sadness and disappointment spread across his face, "I'm sorry, I just didn't have anyone to talk to."
  "You could have talked to me," he said, and I closed my eyes, imagining myself as a bird that could fly away effortlessly, or burn and be reborn.
  "You were distant. We were world's apart," I explained, but it was obvious from his facial expression that he would never understand.
  "I love you, but this is the most selfish thing you've ever done," he said, and his words make my chest hurt.
  He left the room, swinging the door open and walking away. Paul stood up and sat on the bed with me, brushing the hair out of my eyes with trembling fingers.
   "Blaire, he didn't mean that. He's just...upset," Paul said, and I shook my head, letting my hair fall back into my eyes.
   "He's right. No offense, but can I just be alone for now?" I said, and he smiled weakly and nodded.
   "Tell John I'll be in the cafeteria if he wakes up. He hasn't left your side since you got here," he said.
   "How long have I been here?"
   "Four days."
   "Oh," I said before he walked out, and in that small hospital bed in the hospital of Liverpool, I just sobbed.
   "Blaire, you're awake," John commented, sleepi ess evident in his voice. I wiped my tears away quickly.
   "Paul is in the cafeteria," I said, and he looked at me sadly.
   "Blaire..." He said, and more tears cascaded down my cheeks. It seemed that all I ever did was cry now.
   "Just go, please," I said, but he didn't move.
   "No, not until we talk about this. I'm not giving up on you," he said, and I looked up at him.
   "What is there to talk about?"
   "I shouldn't have said those horrible things, but you shouldn't have tried to-" he began, but I interrupted him.
   "I wasn't," I said flatly.
   "Then what were you doing?" He asked, and I clenched my fists.
  "I don't know what I was doing, okay?! I wasn't thinking! Is that what you wanted to hear?" I shouted, and he didn't say anything.
  "Blaire..." He said, and I shrugged sadly.
  "I don't want to die, John."
•••
Ughhhhhhhhhhhhh