A Painful Life

Everything...

I just wanted a companion...can't my family accept that?...Now I'm here tearing myself apart in agony...

I wanted a companion
Even though I would never be a champion..
This day, I wanted someone to lean on..
But then the moment I had was gone..

They said to open-up whenever I feel like shit..
But they pass me as if it was tag you're it..
My brother passed, without thy condolences..
My soul is beyond metamorphosis..

I wanted someone to talk to...
I felt like my heart was split in two..
You ignored me, you shut me out..
Even though every single day I cry aloud!

I wanted your companionship..
To feel like I escaped this sunken ship...
To feel free, to witness Heaven's bliss..
But forever I shall hear Hell's hiss..

I want to be there for you always..
But I tried, you seem to have pushed me away..
To walk a far distant land
Is not the same as handling things hand-by-hand..

I felt so away..
Alone, day by day
A problem after another..
Another piece of me to be shattered..

My time I wanted for thee..
Is a dream beyond what I could see..
Through my life, I accidentally sought fear..
Myself is only what I could hear...

I thought it was good parenting...
But I see neither of you caring...
I sat aside silent..
You all stared at me with resent...

You called me your brother...
You found brothers among others..
You said you hated them..
Now I see you dwell among dozens...

I want to say something...
Coming from this world of nothing...
Is filled with screaming and agony!
Is to see a lonely boy, doused in melancholy!

To ask the yourself, "who can I be?"
To ask others opinion,'Even with an eye,I can't see thee'
To ask others to speak for you "Do it yourself"
That's when I said to myself "You're by yourself"

I took life carefully to avoid bad consequences
Now look at me, I've still became a delinquent
This hateful game I shall resume
For fear, slowly shall I be consumed..

These words aren't from me
They bore from life's agony
This word is the 375th
But I'm not close, to spilling all life's filth

To see myself in disgust
To agonize in pain is a must..
To live the world in neverending pain..
I was just life's stain

You shattered me unexpectedly..
Now I realized this world has no mercy...
I ran a path to meet you..
After a joyful moment, my life just blew..

If I was just the one who passed...
It would've been better if I just asked...
My life is a prison, for I have been in shackles..
I can hear my life's evil cackles..

Life has been a disease...
A sickness that would never cease...
Last? Not word 480th
Shush..I'm still dwelling in life's labyrinth

Born to be fatherless...
Grew to be worthless...
To live incomplete...
A game I shall never compete..

To start, is to press the play button..
To end life, is to feel what lies at the bottom..
The obstacles I've spent was so sudden...
I felt like I was no longer screaming..

You feared blades...
Yourself, to yourself, you gave!
Your arm shrouded in scars..
Others noticed not giving a rats arse!

My blood I shall spill
Shall not exist, for screams are enough to kill..
This is life's punishment!
For my sinful commitment!

To see what lies underneath earth...
Is what I shall call "hearth"..
To see the fire burning
You shall also see the fire fading..

The pain I have heaved...
This sword for war I shall sheathe...
Questions dwell within..
Are just Answers with no meaning..

Now I'm exposing my wholeself!
Why are you hiding behind that shelf?!
I told you I would've been a freak!
For pain is my 651st streak!

Trying to take smiles
Even from a thousand miles!
Is no longer done..
For my chances are already gone..

To sleep is to awaken nightmares...
People, life, never treated me fair!!
I just try to get up from bed...
But I soon might end-up waking dead...

I followed my heart...
But everything I saw...used to be art..
Now I see this so-called 'Dark'
Now, darkness has been my mark..

I wanted you to see I was sane
But life is what made me insane!
The word 767th?
Is no last. Life just torn it's tents..

Beyond the gate of expectancy..
Is more hate, more pain, more AGONY!
To feel this bitter anguish
Is just because life's fire was extinguished..

Years of life...
Is a long time to cry...
To run away from pain...
Myself I have just slain!

The life I have spent!
Was just pure agonizing torment...
I shouted for support..
But all I did was abort...

I didn't want to be a burden...
I want to keep quiet, even though I am broken...
I want you to live with no worries...
Now, I'm no longer riding life's rhythm...

I have a bad childhood..
Now I just raise the hood..
You're seeing what lies underneath...
Don't let my burden sweep you off thy feet..

You saw me me smiling..
But beneath I was crying...
The word 908th
I shall not yet finish it!

I stare at you in concern...
Even though my life I can no longer govern...
I wanted to to be a somebody...
But I ended up a deceased body..

You judged me out of hate!
I don't mind, I know this is fate!
To pursue a life dreadfully!
Even though you realize you have no destiny!

To dwell among the rest
Just to confess?
You wanted a friend
You just begun, but also close to the end!

This is about to end soon
I bent more of this spoon!
I'm kicking the bucket
For life just said "you sucked at it"

To ponder on life
Is to dream on the edge of a knife..
My mask is not broken..
The words 1012th-1016th, Everything it has just proven!