A Painful Life

Faux amour

Look, I ain't gonna lie about my situation
I ain't here to be breaking apart your reputation
But I'm confused what you're asking me..
Sitting I'm tripping and thinking about what the past could be..
How you say you love me just to tear me apart
Say that you want me around and leave me inside the dark..
You probably think that I'm pathetic and speak down on my name
I've been sending you flowers thinking reality changed..
But you're ignoring every call and you don't look what I do..
And I've been looking for your name in my story but you boast..
I've been drowning just to speak or I've been doing more than most!!
But I feel broken because your stepping all over my hope

I think you got it twisted, I don't want you back!
I hope you reminiscing flip when you think bout that
You've been spitting on my grave, on some fuck you shit?!
Now I'm numb to my world and I can't feel this!!
So what the fuck do you want, could you be honest with me?!
I'm feeling dumb as fuck like, what the problem could be...
And now I hate sleeping cause I see your face..
And I don't want to dream now, I just wanna escape..
I never hurted you just to hurt you, who do you think  I am?
I'm just growing as a person learning to be a man..
You got me petty and praying this is all fictional..
I don't hate who I am but hate myself for missing you..
And all these pretty little shit stuck inside my brain..
Like you carved them with a knife just to sign your name..
And how I wanna react but this pain won't fade...

I let you go, you disappear because you needed your space...
You said you need me in your life, and do not lie to my face...
I got my shit together, I know you're running in place..
And I did everything to fix it, How the fuck does it taste?!
Yes I say I miss you but you treated me wrong..
I put my heart out on a page, gave it to you in a poem!
And I've been asking God to make the memories fade..
I'm praying daily that I don't have to remember your face..
Wish I could hurt you like you hurt me, but I wouldn't go through it...
And I won't get close, cause I'm afraid I might lose it
I hope it's hard for you to sleep but I won't be that man...
I just try to do my best till my suffering ends..
Left me without a reason, Don't come back with excuses...
Don't you ever call me, swear you think that I'm stupid...

I didn't just lose my girl I lost my closest friend!!~
But you manipulated me, and how it gets that bad..
How I feel I lost something, that I never did have..
And judging me for my mental health, that's honestly strange...
Cause true love will find a way to understand pain
And honestly, I hope you good and can find your way..
Just leave me out the picture so I find my pace..
Just upset I let this affect my health..
I'm not mad I lost you I'm mad that I lost myself!!
I guess your true colors show when you exposing yourself!
I'll be like every other man that you set on the shelf...
But that's between you and God so I will pray you are forgiven..
I wanna smile because it happened, but I wish that it didn't...

Day by day, I gave you more..
Beating my weeping heart sore...
Locked me out the door..
Shackling me ruthlessly on the floor...
Knowing everything that was, was never what it was...it was Faux amour...