A Painful Life

Break

Feels like I'm losing myself
Why am I dooming myself
The fuck did I do to myself
Should've been true to myself
Dumb to think you would've helped
Feels like I'm brewing in Hell
Can't be hard for you to tell

Stuck in a slump and I keep climbing up
I just turned 16 feels like my time is up
Feels like everyone's us and it's harder to trust
And I can't shake the gut feeling
I'm feeling like there's a knife in my gut
And that's such a killing..
When you know deep down that the real person you love

Is dooming you that's why I left
No don't get upset when you see me ‘cause I didn't wanna give you up
And it's fucked to think for you I wasn't enough
I just wanted your love but you wanted
There's some nights I wanna go and get hella drunk
So everything I was feeling could turn into numb
Addicted to you, you're my favorite drug
I buy your lies, you're my favorite plug
Sometimes at night I will stare up above
And wish under a star that I wasn't so dumb

Why does it even matter, shit I didn't matter
I built up my hope just for it to get shattered
I'm always alone with the thoughts that I gather
I flip through my thoughts it's a terrible pattern
As if flipping through ‘em will lead me to answers
I try to move forward, but keep going backwards
I hide all my pain behind smiles and laughter
Where no one knows that I'm a wild disaster
Give me all..

Always alone I wish someone could see me
I lay in my bed staring up at the ceiling
Talking to myself until I'm overthinking
I'm home all alone no one knows that I'm weeping
I swear my whole life is so fucking deceiving
And I stand for broke with the checks I'm receiving
My money can't buy the family I'm needing..
My money can't heal the agony I'm feeling..
I need someone to love to me, someone to hug me...

Someone to be there when my mind gets ugly
I swear they really think my life is stunning
Bro I come home to absolutely nothing
I'm just a lonely guy loaded with money
Nobody told me my days won't be sunny
I'm bleeding on people who didn't cut me
So when they leave me, they leave ‘cause they bloody

I have issues with everything, I'm so dependent..
I can't love myself, so I need her to give it..
And that's always where my self-worth is depicted..
And that's why I date women so narcissistic..
My mind is a mess and it's always conflicted..
And lately it's been hard to make a decision..
And it pains me that I finally admit it..
I've been suicidal and trying not to end it...

I'm saddened to think people that think that I'm reaching
And that is the reason I feel what I'm feeling
I may have some fame, but it's pain that I'm reaping
I been praying to God asking Him for a healing
Man, I need my mom, I need my dad
I need the family we never had
Our family's broken, I'm feeling hopeless
Nobody notice I'm in a trance..
I lost my ex, she's moving to France.
And I break down all I do is provide..
How can I give her a family life..
When it's just me and her every night..

Why do I dream of success and winning..
When I don't have a family to celebrate with me..
There is no bullshit excuse that you could give me..
To make me feel like my damn life is worth living..
I swear loneliness is a cancer within me..
I'm searching for friends ‘cause my family's missing..
This shit is exhausting, I'm thinking of quitting..
And maybe the end for me is a new beginning...

I wanna walk away..
I'm living like a ghost..
And no one ever knows..
See me fall..
I knew that I would break..