I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE NO MORE - Yung Lean Fic

★TWENTY-THREE

Its been a few days since we have arrived in Japan, i was loving this vacation and spending time with Jonatan. Everyone left out to shop some more but i was getting back into my depression state. I don't know what is causing it but i hate having the guys see me like this. I didn't have anyone to talk to,outside of this group. My family disowned me and i no longer have a best friend, i only have the guys. Which im not complaining about but i wish i had others to talk to.

I got up from the big bed and headed to the bathroom. Digging around to find what i needed and did what i had to do to make me feel something. I cried and cried like no one could hear me, nothing really mattered. I look down at my arms and see how much blood was spilling from my body. I felt a little lightheaded, i panicked grabbing the first-aid kit and wrapped my arm up the best i could. I didn't hurt but maybe it was cause Im doing lines after lines of coke.
I sat on the cold floor in the bathroom cleaning up the mess.

After that i just sat there and didn't move.
I didn't want to do anything or be anywhere specific. But i do know i want Jonatan and comfort.

"God why am i such a fuck up?!" I cried out loud to myself. "Fuck im numb..." I mumbled under my breath. I could hear the door of the penthouse open and the guys talking about something.

"Luna?! Where are you?!" I could hear Jonatan shouting throughout the rooms. "Shit!" I whispered and wiped my face, and threw on a jumper so i could hide the bandage.
"Luna?!" He seemed panicked. I softly say, "Bathroom.." And just sat there waiting for him.

"I got some-.... What are you doing on the floor?! Everything okay?!" He rushed to my side hugging me. I melt into his embrace and sob.

"Nothing is okay...." I cry. I could feel his hug get tighter and he sat on the ground putting me in his lap. "Tell me baby girl whats wrong.." He worried. I shook my head no and started to panic because i couldn't breathe.

"Calm down and breathe baby. Do you want Axel? I understand if you don't want to talk to me..." He says kissing my head.

"Get...sher-..shermy.." I said between cries. He gets up and shouted for Axel to come in the room.

"What going on?!" He runs in and see's me on the ground crying and looked back at Jonatan. "She wants to talk with you instead.." Jonatan looks down at his shoes scratching the back of his head. Jonatan soon leaves closing both bathroom and room doors.

"Whats wrong Luna?!" He sat in front of me. I pulled up my jumper sleeve exposing my bandaged arm, he reached over softly touching it. "Please Sherm.. What if Jonatan gets mad..." I cry

"He wont be mad Luna... He'll understand okay?" He softly said pulling me in for a hug.

"Why did you do it? If you don't mind me asking.."

I sigh trying to put everything into words.

"I.. I just.. I haven't been taking my medications and i don't think they work.. But also it came back and i can't help it.. I don't want to live with this depression Shermy... I want to be happy... I feel like a big disappointment, my dad, and that my mom looking down on me from the sky. I know ive failed as a person. Look at me... Im disgusting... I dont see myself as you see me from your point of view..." I stopped crying and laid in Axels arms.

He looked down at me and sighed. "I wish you wouldn't speak like that about yourself Luna.. Look at it like this...
You are now working a better job with the best people in the world! You have Jonatan, and your lucky to win him over. You have me, ben, Lud, Nino, zak, Mickie and Emilio as basically your big bros. And im like your Best friend and brother in one. We got you on anything okay? Maybe that won't cure your depression but we will help you be happy okay?" He smiled giving me a hug. I nodded and got up and helped Sherm up.

"Now go talk to Jonatan, he thinks you dont trust him enough to talk to him about these things." I sigh and nodded sitting on the bed. Axel left the room and Jonatan came in sitting in front of me.

"Please dont be mad..." I said looking down at my arm.
"Please tell me what's going on.." He looked worried.

I showed him my arm and slowly observed it. I didn't say anything and waiting for him to yell at me.

"Luna.. Why.." He softly spoke caressing my cheek.

I sighed and told him exactly what i told Axel.

"Im sorry Jonatan.." I cried hoping he wasn't mad. He now moved closer holding me in his arms comforting me.

"I don't want you to think about yourself like that okay? You have so much to live for okay? I need you as much as you need me okay?! You gave me hope for love." He almost sounds like hes was going to cry.
I look up and he had tears in his eyes, i started to cry even more and held on to him like there was no tomorrow.

"Thank you for understanding Jon.." I spoke up breaking the silence. "Love you Luna." He replied kissing my forehead, i gave him a smile and he helped me up so we can lay in bed.

"Want to watch some movies and we can order some food and lay in bed for the rest of the day?" Jonatan asked getting up, calling room service. I told him my order and we picked out a few movies.

"I love Chappie!! Can we watch that one!!" I eagerly say pointing to the screen. He nods putting it on the "play next" list.

Our food soon came in and i laid in the bed eating next to Jonatan as he did the same and watched some scary movie.

Ben's POV

We just got back from shopping and i can hear Jonatan panicking looking for Luna. My mind started thinking the worst, I know she can have off days and things can get bad. He rushed in his room but soon came back looking for Axel, he looked sad,he stayed quiet for a few minutes.

"Whats wrong bro?" I sat next to him. He sighed "its luna... She didn't want to talk to me..."

"Maybe shes not that ready. Sherm is like her best friend and brother. Maybe sherm can convince her to tell you." I told him patting his back. "Maybe.." Was all he said.

I got up and rolled a joint and lit it. I went to put the rest of my stuff away.
My body was still in pain, and my wound's are starting to heal up.
I know who was apart of this and Lucas will get what he deserves when we get back.

"Fuck man my body hurts.." I complained to Jonatan and zak.

Zak laughed shaking his head. "You already smoking let the weed kick in and go lay down bro. Nino, Lud and micke are in the rooms sleeping already just get some rest" he said making some food. I agreed and finished the joint up and headed to my room

Not before Sherm came out the room and went to Jonatan, we watched as he did. Sherm whispered something to him and Jonatan got up right away and left to the room locking it behind him.

"What happened bro?" I asked. He walked in the kitchen with us and sighed.

"Luna had a breakdown and now her arm is..." He frowned.

We both knew what he meant and didn't ask any further questions. Ecco frowned "She's like a sister, i worry about her too but i know thing's will be okay." Ecco hugged sherm and went to his room where Thaiboy was.

I sat next to Sherm and handed him some Hennessey and we drank a little. I made sure things were okay with him, i know he worry's too much about Luna.

The door rang and i went to open it and it was a tall man with a large cart. I raised my eyebrow and waited for him to speak.
"Uh.. Sorry Sir. Room service for Jonatan?" He pushed the cart to me and i nodded thanking him and i closed the door.

I knocked on Jonatans door and he quickly unlocked it." Your food." Was all i said giving him the cart. He thanked me with a smile and closed the door.

"Wanna help me with some music?" Sherm said from the kitchen. I agreed and hooked everything up to the large tv screen.

I assumed he just wanted to get his mind off things so i helped him out. Things will get better and back to good. I loved my bros and Luna.