I DON'T BELIEVE IN LOVE NO MORE - Yung Lean Fic

★FORTY★

Dull.. walls, floor, rooms, food. Dull. Everything.

I made my way to the eating area where we all sat lifelessly, it wasn't so much like those cheesy teen movie's where you end up making friends or whatever. I can't stop thinking about Jonatan and the boys, i wish I could get over all the things that happen to me.
I had no apatite to eat whatsoever, but if I refused I'd be put back into my small lonely room with one small window. How do they expect us to get better when it seems like you get crazier being here, trapped... I've had 4 visits with my psychiatrist and it's the usual, talking about how I feel and what I can do to get back to the way I was. Got put on gross med's, they make me feel neutral, almost numb but all I do is sleep because they make me tired. They told me my body should adjust to them soon but I don't want this..

One thing I keep telling myself is that if they helped Jonatan.. then they can help me.

"Luna.. would you like to share with us what you're thinking right now,in your head?" A doctor spoke up breaking me from my thoughts.. I coward in my seat, as I felt all eyes on me in this group session we have to go to every week..
"Well.. want me to be honest?.. " I spoke still looking at my shoes.
"I'm thinking about how it's my fault im here. I could be with my boyfriend and best friends right now, but instead I'm here fucked up, sad, drained and mentally fucked for life because of what my ex boyfriend did to me..." I said a little too harsh. Tension...

"Fuck Luna...." I said to myself looking down at my now fidgeting thumbs.

After awhile the group got dismissed and we all went to our rooms... Boring dull rooms.

But before I could leave the doctor stopped me, "Luna, you can't get better until you accept what has hurt you and you find a way to move on and try to live a better life. Not taking drugs or what you, young kids do these days, to cope.. so I seen your file, I worked with Jonatan, when he was put into here.. it was a long process and it took time to help him and to get him back to a almost normal mindset.."

"Erm.. yeah.. I've been"treated" for my depression before but it didn't go well.." I said with air quotes. He did not say anything but gave me a frown, and walked off.

Back to my dull Room, I lately have been getting into art, did drawings and painting with the supplies they provided me. It helped a little it distracted my mind away from Jon.

••••••••••

Jonatan's POV

It has been two weeks since I dropped Luna off. I'm not sure how I'm going to make this through without her. It's like I'm losing her all over again, my heart physically hurts and I get sick to my stomach thinking about losing her for good. I want to visit her but I can't bring myself to go see Luna. To see her beautiful face and not get to take her home. I hope she doesn't think I've abandoned her.. I just can't do this..

"Bro... Jon.. are you even listening??" Ludwig turned around from his laptop, we were just thinking about ideas for music and maybe a new album.
"Uh.. yeah sorry man.. just need a smoke break." I walked off to the balcony pulling out a pre-rolled blunt. The cold crisp night air hit me like a train, but felt good at the same time.

My body started to relax, when the smoke filled my lungs. Every single thought vanished, and everything was hazy. I continued to smoke, numbing my mind and body. Decided to head back to the studio with Ludwig, since he flew back just to keep me company while the rest stayed with Ben in recovery.
He had a successful surgery and he's coming back in a couple of days. The doctor told him he can fly out here now, so I'm looking forward to seeing him and the rest. I missed them so much... I also miss Luna..

"You good now?" Ludwig showed sympathy for me, I hated that everyone always felt bad because of everything that ever has happened to me. Like I'm some kind of broken down dog.
"Yeah, just needed air.." I plopped down in the swivel chair next to him.

"Man Jonatan I know you miss her... It's written all over your face since I got here. It's for her own good man. I miss her too... It doesn't feel like home here without her and everyone else." He turned to me looking at me straight in my eyes. That alone broke me..

"I... I can't do this shit anymore.. can't stay acting like I'm not hurt.. I'm beyond broken.. if it's not for Luna.. I don't think I'd be ali-.." I was cut off by Ludwig. " You can't think that way! Don't Fucking say shit like that! You have your bros and Luna. You are loved for and will be. She'll be home soon.. you're not going to lose her."
He pulled me into a big hug, I sobbed into his arms. I couldn't be strong anymore, I was so exhausted of trynna be strong for everyone and hide my emotions. It was always the drugs that helped me with my emotions, helped me feel happy, Luna was part of my drug, she helped me.. and I felt like she was slipping through my fingers. My life will be different when she come back.

"Thing's will be okay bro.." Ludwig gave me one last tight hug, released me from his embrace. It took me awhile to stop crying but I finally calmed down and started to write down lyrics to a beat Ludwig was messing with.

••••••••••

" Bro I think this song is going to be a banger." I smirked at the first song of this new project. " Yeah I like this one. Now go record this shit!" He smiled as I walked into the booth to record.

"I'm scared when you fall, my magazines, you're the star
We cannot fall
She fell asleep on my arm"

I smiled at the thought of Luna, and all those nights with her. "That was really Fucking good Jon.." Ludwig smiled telling me to step out the booth.
We messed around with the sound and technical stuff till we both like it.

***********

(A/N)
Hello everyone that has shown this book so much love and support despite the other people who hate "fan fics", I really don't expect anyone really like this book. But I'm slowly coming out of my writers block. This chapter has been in my drafts folder for two months or something like that. But I hope u enjoy, and vote and comment on what u want next or any suggestions!! Love u! (: