Hard Goodbyes

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Rick X reader - You have to comfort Rick after Carl dies all the while you try to come to grips with your own emotions.

AN/ : So like everyone else I did not see them killing Carl off . I know that the next episode will be emotional . I felt like writing and this just pop into my head .

You stared down at Carl in horror as he lowered his shirt . You were frozen where you stood as your mind trying to catch up with what was happening.

You wanted to scream you wanted to cry at the unfairness of it all. But truth was you were numb. With your home burning down to the ground above you and the boy that you had known for years and grown to love like your own son was dying right in front of you.

You weren't sure which way to turn or how to act . "Dad ?" It was carl finally speaking that brought you out of your own head and dropping to your knees beside him

You finally looked over at Rick who look destroyed He was still staring at Carl not saying anything . But you saw the pain in his eyes the emotion passing across his face

"Dad "Carl said again a little louder reaching out with a hand to grab Rick's . "It's going to be ok " he said once again being the voice of reason.

" How ?" Rick asked in a strangled voice tears slipping silently down his face. " By moving forward doing the right thing "Carl said softly he winced in pain as he shifted

" We need to get you somewhere comfortable " you managed to get out . Carl shook his head " I will be fine " he said

But he wasn't fine you could tell it was already getting hard for him to breath. You reached out placing a hand on top of his he was burning up .

You stood up and reached for Rick . " Why don't we take a minute and let the others say their goodbyes 's you said you nodding towards the rest of the group .

Rick could only nod and you pulled him off to the side allowing for Daryl with Judith in his arms to come up .

" Hey " you said softly getting Rick's attention " Can you talk to me." you said reaching out to touch his cheek softly.

" Is this my fault ?" he asked .. "No it not " you said . " Your doing the best you can " You pushed yourself forward and kissed him softly.. "It going to be ok " you said softly

His arms slipped around your waist and he buried his face into the side of your neck. All you could do was hold on and let him know your were there.

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After everyone had a chance to say something you took your turn . You dropped to your knees and took his hand into his. " This isn't fair " you said unable to keep the tears out of your voice .

Looking older than what he was Carl just smiled sadly " When has life ever been fair " he replied. " Promise me something " he asked "Anything " you said

" Dad you have to make sure he going to be ok " he said . Tears filling your eyes " of course " you said "We will be ok " you told him earning a tried smile from him.

You gave his hand one last squeeze and stood up moving aside so Rick could get down there. You step away to give them so privacy.

You picked up Judith and hugged her close. She laid her head on your shoulder . "What do we do now " Daryl asked softly You glanced over at Rick who was still talking quietly with Carl

You turned back to Daryl " Move on " you replied blinking back the tears. "Get out of here and somewhere safe " Somewhere we can regroup catch our breath "

You met Daryl's gaze and he nodded . You turned around when you heard Rick sobbing . It was clear that it was over and you felt the pain deep inside you.

You closed your eyes and allowed the tears to finally fall.

**************************************************

It took some planning and a lot of work on everyone's part. But somehow you managed to get everyone out of the sewers and to hill top without running into any saviors .

That including Carl. Rick wanted somewhere nice to bury him and Daryl suggested next to Glenn and Abraham . So that what you did with everyone that loved him there to say one last goodbye.

You were worried about Rick . You had seen him lose a lot of people in the time you had known him but this was his child.

Everyone stayed together at the hilltop to recover and to talk about where to go from here . You knew that Rick was throwing himself into planning to keep from thinking or dealing with his pain.

He slept very little and ate only when you made him. He was going to make himself sick and that was the last thing he needed or anyone needed. This fight with Negan was getting ugly .

So finally after waiting for a hour for him to come to bed after he promised you he would call it a night early . You went in search for him.

You found him sitting next to Carl's grave . " hey I thought you were coming to bed " you said walking up to him. He looked up at you " I can't " he said softly

Your heart broke for him and you sat down next to him " But you need your rest " You reached for his hand. "You need to let me keep my promise " you said

He gave a look "What ?" he asked " My promise to Carl " you said " I promise that I would take care of you make sure you would be ok " you told him .

Rick looked away and down at the grave. " He never got a chance to be a kid. " he said softly . " He had to grow up way to fast " he said

" I know and he grew up to be such a good man " because of you " you told him. "He saved a lot of people that night by getting people out before everything went down " You should be proud. "

He didnt say anything and you just sat there with him providing him the comfort he needed.

When it got too chilly to sit outside any longer you stood up pulling him with you " let go to bed " you said pulling him back to room the two of you shared .

Once inside and underneath the covers he pulled you into his arms .

Bringing his mouth down on yours . You groaned into the kiss and pressed yourself closer to him. Wrapping your arms around him .

He buried his face in the side of your neck and you felt his grip on your tighten . Sleep was long time coming for either of you . Goodbyes are hard .

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