Oneshots

Story 30: Philosophically High Jared

Sincerely Three

Evan was at home, washing the dishes. His mom was at work, so he helped by cleaning the house. He actually enjoyed it- it calmed him, and cleared his mind.

In the meantime, his boyfriend's were doing things.

And how did Evan know?
He got a text.
From Connor.

HotToxic: help I've made a mistake
TheTreesSayFernYou: what did u do
HotToxic: I introduced Jared to brownies
TheTreesSayFernYou: ???
HotToxic: they were weed brownies
TheTreesSayFernYou: Y WOULD U DO THAT
HotToxic: I THOUGHT HE WOULD BE LOGICAL AND NOT EAT THEM
TheTreesSayFernYou: SINCE WHEN IS HE LOGICAL
HotToxic: IDK MAN BUT COME OVER NOW
TheTreesSayFernYou: ur dead

Evan groaned as he stuck his phone in his pocket and ran out of his house. Drunk Jared was already a handful, so why did Connor have to introduce the world of weed?!

Evan ran two streets before nearing Connor's home. He slammed the door open and followed the smell of 'brownies'.

And there they were- Jared and Connor, Jared lay on the floor and staring at the ceiling, and Connor just sat beside him, eating another brownie.

"CONNOOOOOR!" Evan screamed, tackling Connor.

"BABY I DIDNT MEAN IT IM SORRY I DIDNT THINK HE WOUD ACTUALLY DO IT!" Connor squealed.

Evan, still atop of Connor, slowly looked at Jared's direction, who was still silently staring at the ceiling with bloodshot eyes.

"Jared, darling, you okay...?" Evan asked.

"What if bathbombs were a failed experiment of nuclear bombs." Jared spoke.

"What?" Connor and Evan had puzzled faces as they sat on opposite sides of Jared.

"The economy makes us pay taxes, get a job, vote, get an education, and set a bunch of rules, yet they claim we're 'free'."

Evan and Connor gave eachother a weird glance.

"If the moon was actually made out of cheese, wouldn't it mold after a while and the stench would cause a new global warming?"

Evan and Connor were proscessing the phrases spitting out of the high boys mouth. For once in his life Jared was being logical.

"What the fuck have I done." Connor muttered.

"Jared, I think you need to sleep. Close your eyes." Evan said, dragging Jared to the couch and setting him on his lap. Connor put away the stash of brownies atop of the fridge so Jared wouldn't find them or reach them.

"If drugs are things we're addicted to," Jared continued, "then everyday hobbies that we can never give up are also drugs. Techincalky everything we enjoy are drugs."

"Jared. Go. To. Sleep." Evan argued, taking off the small boy's glasses and setting them aside. Connor sat beside them and soothed Jared's hair.

"If guys get offended when you eat a normal-sized banana in front of them, what happens if you eat a mini-banana?" Jared said through half-lidded eyes.

"Honey, as your caring and totally trustworthy boyfriend, I'm gonna have to tell you to shut the hell up and go to sleep before we make you." Connor said.

Jared shrugged and wrapped his arms around Evan's waist and burried his face in his chest. The other two knew he fell asleep almost instantly, because they heard soft snores coming from him.

"Next time you two do something without me," Evan threatened, "I'm gonna show up."

Connor nodded.
"Fair, fair, but you have to admit- what Jared was all true. I'm question my life now."

*** *** *** ***

All of Jared's sayings are copyrighted by me (jk use them as you please)

Im this at 3am because I'm a tired drunk and decided this was a good idea (when I publish this later today I'll reread it and regret myself as a human bean)

So enjoy y'all!

BestOfLuck,
KawaiiCamiSama💜