Oneshots

Story 54: Meme Boi

This chapter is dedicated to my brother. He's such a meme he needs appreciation. The following jokes aren't mine.

Trigger Warnings: mentions of suicide and anxiety attack

No ship

There are many things that make Jared "Jared". There are 8 ( I just realized I already made a chapter about this. Freaking dammit) situations in which anyone can agree "yep, that's something only Jared would do".

1) Heelies
Connor jumped a bit to the sound of someone knocking on the door. He later realized it was Jared Kleinman, as they were planning to hang out today. Connor let Jared inside and closed the door when he came in. As Connor went to the kitchen to pour some chips for them, Jared slid in the room with his LED heelies.

"Wear the heelies to get away from your feelies." He smirked.

2) Mathbombs
Alana rolled her eyes as she and Jared were studying in the library together. He was flunking Geomerty, so Alana volunteered to tutor him.

It was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life.
Jared didn't know anything he was doing, and finals were the next week.

As Alana tried to help Jared with a homework assignment Mr.H had given them, Jared rummaged in his backpack and pulled out a bathbomb and ate it.

"Jared, what are you doing?!" She shrieked.

"What? It helps me study for math. Mathbombs are the universal math drugs."

3) Anxiety
Evan felt his chest tighten as he laid under the big oak tree in the yellow fields with Jared by his side. Flashbacks from his suicide attempt rolled in, since he was sitting under the tree he tried to do it with. He began to hyperventilate and grip his sides, feeling like the wind got knocked out of him.
Jared began to panic at the sight, but he also knew Evan always laughed at his bad jokes. He laid on Evan's stomach and exclaimed,

"His neck, his back, his anxiety attack!"

Evan chucked and felt air come into his body, smiling after he fully recovered.

"Thanks."

"No problem, Hansen."

4) Antibiotics
Heidi wiped a towelette across Jared's face, and took off his glasses. Jared's parent's saw him come home from school with bruises and marks and contacted Heidi to clean him up. Jared later told Heidi that kids were bullying him, and not to tell his parents.

"My glasses, I can't see without my glasses!"

Heidi giggled lightly as she put away her medical kit.

"Mrs.Hansen, no!"

"What now, Jared?"

"My antibiotics, I can't see without my antibiotics!"

5) ABCMouse.com
Zoe groaned as her phone died. She was at Jared's house, and they had to babysit Jared's cousin, Michael Elisabeth Kleinman. Well, Jared had to babysit him- he just called Zoe and asked her to join him.

Zoe walked on over to Jared and Michael. Michael was doing some ABCMouse as Jared played with his curly hair.

"Wow Jared, you're such a parent." Zoe said.

"I'm not." Jared argued.

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not."

"Prove it."

Jared ran to his room and came back a minute later with his computer and logged onto a website, handing his computer to Zoe and stealing Michael's iPad.

"1v1 me on ABCMouse.com."

6) Meme-Tree
Cynthia hummed as she played with Jared's hair. Her two kids never really payed attention to her since they thought she "didn't understand them". Jared, however, was like another son to her. He was always at their place whenever his parents had fights, and that was almost all the time. Cynthia took a peek at Jared and saw him slowly falling asleep into her chest.

"Honey, want me to let you get some rest?" She asked, recoiling her hands from his hair.

"All you need is a fresh ripe men from the meme-tree." Jared groggily stated.

7) Chains and Whips
Larry drove his kids and Jared to school, and he was giving a pep-talk to the kids.

"You don't let anyone make fun of you. You have the power to either grow strong, or let yourself down. Never let yourself get down."

"Yeah dad, we know." Connor rolled his eyes.

"Just need to remind you. It happens sometimes, but don't let it get you down." Larry said.

"It never does." Zoe muttered, looking out the car window.

"Sticks and stones may break your bones-"

"But chains and whips excite me." Jared smirked, making Larry give him some death-stares.

8) Minecraft Letsplay
Jared clicked on another YouTube video, watching SkyDoesMinecraft. He had a bowl of popcorn in his lap as he clicked for the video to go full-screen. He ended up clicking on more videos- maybe 18 more, when he had come to his senses.

"COME ON JARED, STOP WATCHING MINECRAFT LETSPLAY VIDEOS!" He screamed to himself.