Plus Size with Extra Love [E.G.D]

Chapter Seven

I shot out of my bed and peaked out the curtain. Sure enough Jeremy stood there leaning against his car staring up at my window.

"What's going," Ethan started as he walked up behind me and looked out the window.

"Shit," I panted and made my way down stairs.

"Dakota," Ethan shouted close behind me.

"Just stay inside alright. Grayson and Jarred are in the backyard, please don't tell them he's here," I pleaded knowing it wouldn't end well if my brother found out Jeremy showed up.

He didn't answer me as I made my way outside and approached Jeremy. His chest heaved up and down. His jaw was clenched and his knuckles were almost turning white.

"Who's truck is it Dakota?!" Jeremy yelled in my face.

"I'm sorry, it's not what you think."

"Not what I think? You've been eyeing those bastards since they got here and now they're at your house. What have you been doing with him huh? I saw him in your room," Jeremy's voice boomed out as he pointed towards the house.

"They're friends with Jarred. I would never go against you like that. You know that," I spoke calmly.

The anger in his face made me scared. Flashbacks from our first fight came to mind. I felt the sting in my cheek even after all those months.

"He doesn't want you. He wants popularity. He wants your brother to except him. Neither of those guys would want a fat f*cker like you anyway," he seethed. My stomach dropped and tears began sliding down my cheeks.

"Don't say," but he cut me off.

"They only want popularity. You mean nothing to them. Why would they want you when they can have anyone. You're just the toy until they get what they want."

"Shut up! They've been here for a day and you've already went crazy!"

Jeremy's eyes grew wide at my outburst. Why was he getting so mad about Ethan and Grayson? I didn't like them like that. They were friends. They've only been around for 48 hours and that's not enough time to develop any serious feelings.

Out of no where Jeremy raised his hand and swung. He didn't like me back talking. It made him feel weak.

My cheek stung. The force of his hit sent me back a little. More tears escaped my eyes as I looked up at him. I placed my hand over the red mark, but it only caused more pain.

"Are you f*cking kidding me," a voice boomed from behind me.

I could hear heavy footsteps approach us quickly. Hands settled on my shoulders and spun me around. Ethan stood there looking at my cheek after he removed my hand.

He pulled me into his body and glared at Jeremy. His nostrils flared and his chest moved up and down quickly.

"I swear if you don't leave I'll kick your ass myself. The only reason I'm not is because of her," Ethan growled out lowly not taking his eyes off the monster in front of him.

"Have fun with her. She didn't mean anything to me anyway," Jeremy chuckled and went to his car.

"Hey, look at me Dakota," Ethan whispered after Jeremy left.

I pulled away from Ethan's chest and slowly looked up at him. His expression looked hurt. He placed a hand on my good cheek and rubbed his thumb back and forth.

"You're going to be ok I promise."

We moved back up to my room and sat on my bed. My head rested on Ethan's shoulder and he had his arm wrapped around me. He was like my human shield.

"Thank you," I whispered out of no where.

"I didn't do anything. I shouldn't have let you go out there alone in the first place," Ethan grumbled as he turned the movie off.

"You couldn't have stopped me from going out there."

Ethan released a large breath and nodded his head. The sting in my cheek was still there but not as strong. He kept starring at my cheek. I refused to look at it.

"Maybe we should stick to this kind of environment," Ethan said while running his hand through his hair.

"What?" I asked clearly confused.

I sat up and looked straight at Ethan. He stared at my blankets refusing to meet eye contact. His cheeks were a brighter red as he bit onto his lip harshly.

"I like being friends with you, you're my first friend here, but the way things are at school don't support that. You've said it, we're in different groups. We can just hang out here and just kinda ignore each other at school. I don't want anything else to happen to you."

I don't know what hurt more. Ethan's words or the burn in my cheek. He wants to keep me hidden. He's embarrassed by our friendship. I can't say I blamed him. I'd be embarrassed if I was him. Who wants to be friends with a girl who only has one friend? Who wants to be friends with a girl like me?

Tears started to prickle in my eyes as I tried blinking them away. I couldn't form a sentence so I only nodded. I guess seeing him here beats never seeing him.

"It's not personal D, I just don't like seeing things messed up because of me," he pleaded.

"It's fine. I get it."

"Don't beat yourself up Dakota." His voice was soft and his eyes were sad.

"Ethan it's fine. If it's what you want then it's okay," I mumbled.

"I think I'm going to go to sleep now so um," I said while motioning to the door.

"Alright. I'll see you tomorrow."

Ethan got up and walked out of my room without looking back. That's when the tears fell. I don't know why I was crying. Maybe because Jeremy hit me, possibly the hurtful words he spat at me, or could be because he dumped me. It could be because Ethan doesn't want to be friends with me because of his image. It could be all of those piled together mixed with some insecurities.

My stomach felt knotted and my throat was closing. I started seeing black spots all around me and my hearing was fading in and out. I tried slowing my breathing so this wouldn't get out of hand. I began breathing through my nose while putting my arms above my head.

I used to get panic attacks a lot when I was younger. I didn't know how to control them until Jarred saw me having one and he coached me through it. Sometimes I can pull through on my own, sometimes I need some help.

Once I calmed down all I could do was stare at the wall. My chest hurt but I felt numb. My mind began wondering. I was telling myself I was worthless, ugly, fat, a humiliation to those around me.

I opened the drawer in my night stand and just stared at the razor. I haven't used it in almost two months.

People don't understand those like me. A lot of people want to down those for self harm, when in reality downing them makes them miss their blade even more. They say cutting is bad for them, but what's really bad for them is people making them feel the need to cut themselves.

I tried to bring myself to use the blade, but I couldn't. Flashes of Ethan ran through my head. The hurt expressions he's shown me. The weird laugh he has. I somehow convinced myself he cares about me, even though I know he doesn't.