Plus Size with Extra Love [E.G.D]

Chapter Ten

"We need to talk," Ethan said after we just laid next to each other for a couple minutes.

Talking is what I was dreading. I didn't want to answer his questions. I didn't want to come out and tell him I'm severely depressed. He might tell Jarred and things wouldn't go well.

My family knows I have issues especially with depression, but they don't know how bad it is. They have no clue that I'm suicidal most of the time. It would crush them if they found out.

"Ethan I can't," I sighed while sitting up in my bed.

"Dakota don't try and keep it in."

"Why can't I?" I snapped harshly looking at him.

"In chemistry you're not allowed to heat up a liquid in a beaker with a lid on. The heat makes the water evaporate and if there's a lid, the beaker shaders, so stop trying to keep the damn lid on," his words were strong and they were right, either way I still didn't want to talk.

"I've told you I don't like talking about this kind of stuff. I don't know how and I don't feel comfortable with it," I muttered.

"How about I start first and then you go?" He was trying to make a deal, but I really didn't want in on it.

"Ethan I don't want to talk about anything. I'm a closed off person. You telling me things isn't going to make me want to open up."

"I got diagnosed with depression when I was younger and so did Grayson. Things got so bad for me I had to go to the mental floor of a hospital to make sure I was safe."

His eyes stared at my blankets and his jaw clenched and unclenched just thinking about it. His eyes looked softer than before and he looked more upset than I've seen him.

"How long were you there?"

"Almost two months. I never understood why I was there and I was mad about it, now that I'm a little bit older I'm happy I was. I would have done something stupid and I probably would have tried suicide until it worked," his head hung in shame and I couldn't take it.

My stubby arms wrapped around Ethan's large frame and pulled him closer to me. His head rested on my shoulder and his arms wrapped around my torso.

This was a meaningful moment but all I could think about was how he could probably feel every flaw in my body from this hug. I brushed the thoughts away as I felt a drop land on my neck. He released a large puff of air and he lost it.

"I hated myself," he cried against me.

I didn't know how to handle him. I've never been good with crying people. Instead of talking I just sat there letting him cry as I ran my nails gently across his back.

"I'm happy you got out there. A world without Ethan Dolan sounds terrible," I said causing him to chuckle.

"Yeah well I didn't think so," his words stabbed me in the chest.

How could this boy not see his full worth. He was smart, funny, dorky, hot, nicely built, athletic, and he has feelings. He's the perfect person. He was worth so much and knowing he didn't think himself worthy of a life was torturous for me to hear.

"Ethan, you're amazing. You're smart and you're probably the best person I've ever met. Anyone would be so lucky to have you in their life even if it's just for a couple days," I meant every word.

As Ethan pulled away from me, his eyes lit up as if I just gave him the best news ever. His cheeks held a bright red tint and his eyes were still a bit glassed over.

"Thank you Dakota," he whispered out as if he was scared I'd leave.

"I've been depressed for a long time and I don't have any medicine or anything because of my mothers pride. She doesn't care that I have issues," I began releasing a loud sigh. "As an adult you never realize how much your words affect a child. I remember a lot of the negative comments my family made towards me. I'm seventeen and some of them still haunt me. I don't care what others think, but it influences every decision I make."

Ethan nodded his head understanding. He rubbed my back soothingly trying to calm me down and encourage me to go on.

"As I got older I felt terrible about who I was, am. Jarred's embarrassed by me so is my mom. Jeremy refused to show me attention because he was embarrassed then you pushing me away I just assumed you were embarrassed too. I was only with Jeremy because he was giving me the attention I wanted, most of the time at least," the words took a while to tumble past my lips, but once they did I knew I couldn't take them back.

"I'm not embarrassed by you," he whispered next to me making me look his direction.

"It's fine. Ive accepted it."

"No Dakota I'm not embarrassed by you. I wanted to stop you from getting hurt again. Watching Jeremy hit you because of me was something that really bugged me. I was never embarrassed of being around you," his voice was deep and his facial expression showed he was angry.

I shook my head and stood from my bed. I didn't want to be around him anymore. I felt nervous after telling him all that. I didn't like how it made me feel.

Part of me feels vulnerable now that he knows. Ethan can easily use the information against me. He could go blab his mouth to all his popular jock friends and they would never let me hear the end of it.

"Where you going?" He asked as I made my way towards my door.

"The kitchen," I responded quick and emotionless.

I didn't care at this point. I didn't care if Jeremy never talked to me again. I couldn't care less if Jarred stormed in and started yelling. Life is pointless. Spoiler alert, we all die in the end.

"What's wrong?" Ethan questioned following quickly behind me.

"Nothing," I said hatefully.

"Clearly something is. Don't push me away because you've opened up." He caught on quick.

"I'm not," I muttered and got a glass of apple juice.

"Dakota, I'm not going to be an ass about this."

"Ethan I'm not pushing you away!"

I'm a terrible liar. My voice goes higher when I lie.

"I'm not playing games Dakota!"

"Chill out you act like we're friends. You're embarrassed by me, and don't give me that crap about you being worried about me. You're friends with my popular brother," I shouted putting emphasis on popular. "You probably only talk to me so I can boost your ego or something."

Ethan's chest heaved up and down as he starred me in the face. His face burned red and he stormed passed me and went up stairs.