Plus Size with Extra Love [E.G.D]

Chapter Fifteen

Our lips fit together as if we were a puzzle made in the heavens. He placed his hand gently on my neck.

My first kiss was everything I dreamed of. I never thought someone's lips would be so addicting. I never pictured my first kiss being with someone as perfect as Ethan Dolan. I always thought it would be with Jeremy.

Once Ethan pulled back he opened his eyes slowly and stared. His eyes were hard to read and his lips stayed in a straight line. Was I that bad?

"I don't know what came over me," he explained not breaking eye contact.

"It's fine really."

"I shouldn't have kissed you when it's clear we're both upset. Neither of us are thinking clearly," his voice sounded unconfident.

"Ethan, that was my first kiss," my cheeks burned red and his eyes grew wide.

Quickly he moved his body away from mine and stood to his feet. He brought his good hand up and began tugging at his hair. Incoherent mumbles left his lips as he shook his head back and forth.

"Why are you acting like this?" I asked already knowing. He didn't want to kiss me. He felt bad for me. He's probably holding back his puke right now.

"Dakota do you not understand!" He shouted and halted his pacing.

"I'm sorry," I whispered putting my head down.

"We shouldn't have done that, we're both idiots for it. You're my best friends sister and I'm not into you like that and," but I cut him off.

"Yeah okay, please, just leave," I cracked. My voiced wavered and my heart felt like it was stabbed. My chin shook as I slowly stood to my feet.

"You don't have a right to be upset with me," Ethan barked as he followed me towards the steps.

"How?" I asked while tears streamed down my face, but he didn't know that.

"You've said it multiple times, we're too different. Even if I did like you, you wouldn't allow me to because you're a nerd and I'm a 'jock', whatever the hell that means."

Ethan's words came out angry and in a groan. I could hear the annoyance leaking from his words as he spat them at me.

"Screw you Dolan," I sobbed and shook my head.

"Dakota!" Ethan shouted as I ran to my room.

I shut and locked my door, that Jarred had fixed before joining me at the hospital. Slowly I slid down the wood and sobs shook my body. Yes, I had grown a crush on Ethan, but I didn't want to.

I hated liking a boy that far out of my league. He was attractive, good built, funny, smart, and perfect. He was everything I always wanted, but knew I couldn't have.

Rapid knocks pounded on the door making me release a shriek as images of early today flooded my mind.

The pounding and the yelling of Jeremy's angry voice. The way his hands hit me harder than he's ever done before. The way he yelled how he didn't want to lose me from his life.

The noise stopped quickly. I was away from the door as more sobs released from my body.

"D," his voice was soft and full of emotion. "Dakota please open up."

My chest heaved up and down as my head spun. His voice came out as muffled as if my head was completely submerged in water. I tried blinking away the black and white spots my vision withheld. My breathing was fast and rapid. The noise of my fast paced breathing was the only thing I could hear, and I knew Ethan could hear it too.

"Dakota please, just calm down," he mumbled out. "I'm sorry D, you don't deserve any of this just please calm down."

My breathing intensified as he spoke calmer. I couldn't have him and never would. He's only acting this way because I'm having a panic attack and it could grow bad if he's not careful.

"Dakota, you deserve so much more than you were given in this world. Don't think about the bad, just think of the good. Think about all those zombie movies we've watched together. Think about when I bought you Taco Bell. Think of Grayson or Jarred. Please just calm down."

His words hit me in a good and bad way. My breathing began to even out, but I grew numb. I didn't care anymore. I don't care Jeremy beat me so bad that I had to go to the emergency room. I don't care Ethan kissed me and rejected me less than twenty minutes ago. I don't care my brothers too embarrassed to claim me as his sister. I don't care my parents don't like me as much as they like Jarred.

"Open the door, please," his words were pleading.

Slowly, I made my way to the door and unlocked it. My legs shook as I carried myself towards my bed. The stain of my tears lingered on my cheeks, but I didn't bother to wipe them off. Why should I? I don't care how he sees me. He doesn't like me.

"Oh my god Dakota," he panted and rushed to my side.

Ethan tried wrapping his arms around me to pull me into his body, but I shrugged him off me. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want him around me anymore.

His eyes held regret and sadness as I shoved him away. He knew I didn't want him here. He knew I was broken more so now than I was earlier.

"I'm sorry, I didn't think about what I was saying."

"Doesn't matter," I replied emotionlessly. "You wouldn't have said it if you didn't mean it."

"That's not true. Dakota I think you're beautiful and you're so," he started but I stood up and shook my head.

"Get out, you can't just compliment me after you've messed up. Now that you've seen how f*cked up I am, you don't get to treat me different."

"I care about you. I don't want to see you hurting anymore. I can't see you crying, but I'd rather you cry than block me and everyone else out!"

"Should have thought about that before you lost me."

My voice was emotionless along with my face. I wasn't afraid of myself. I wasn't afraid of being a failure, I can't change that. I don't care people are repulsed by me, I am too.

"Don't talk like that D," Ethan spoke softly as he stood up and walked towards me.

"I told you to get out!" I screamed at him causing his eyes to widen.

"I don't want you to do something you'll regret."

"I can guarantee you that what I do, I won't regret," I seethed at him.

"Listen to yourself. You're acting like no one cares for you, but you're ignoring every time I've told you I do."

His words made my heart melt.

He's just trying to take the guilt off of him

"You just don't want anything on your conscience. You couldn't care less about me."

"So what if I don't want you killing your self on my conscience, who would? You know what, I'm done with this. I'm done with you. Next time you need something don't call or text me or my brother. Deal with it yourself!"