Plus Size with Extra Love [E.G.D]

Chapter Forty-One

I threw away Ethan's bloody bandage and grabbed some cotton balls and rubbing alcohol. I have some antibacterial cream, but I'm going with the rubbing alcohol to be a jerk.

"This is gonna sting pretty bad," I mumbled as I wet the cotton ball.

I placed the ball on his knuckle dabbing gently and quickly. His hisses and winces made me feel guilty, but it's too late now.

"You're so beautiful," Ethan whispered while staring at me with a faint smile on his lips.

"Not really," I chuckled as I placed the cotton ball in the trash and grabbed the wrap.

"No you're extremely beautiful. The most beautiful woman in the world," he chimed.

"Are you high?"

"Never," he replied.

I continued to wrap Ethan's hand as he continued to stare at me.

"All done," I whispered and stepped away from Ethan before he could make any type of move on me.

"Can we talk now?" Ethan asked motioning to the couch.

I nodded my head and began to put away the first aid equipment. I could feel my knees shake as I walk towards Ethan on the couch. This is terrifying, I don't like talking about things, it just makes them more awkward.

"Let me start off by saying that I was an asshole completely aware of that. I should have never made you feel less than what you're worth because you are worth the world Dakota. You're smart, you're beautiful, you're so sweet, you're a joy to be around, and you have a great head on your shoulders. I'm an idiot for even interfering with your life, but I can't help it now, I love you whether you believe that or not." Ethan's words were sharp and deep. His voice shook with each breath and his eyes glassed over more and more with each word.

"E," I started as tears blocked my vision.

My heart raced as I tried to come up with the right words to say. Was I okay with taking him back? Did I still love him? Would I get screwed over in the end again?

"I'm not expecting you to just take me back, I have to prove myself to you and I know that, I'm ready for that," Ethan added almost in a panic.

"Ethan, I just don't know what to say. So much can go wrong with us. You never tell me what you're thinking or feeling. You always keep it in until it's too late."

"So I kept all this in too late?" He asked with a clear look of defeat.

"Not too late, but almost. I think about you a lot. I always want to know who you're with, what you're doing, if you're taking care of yourself."

"You sound like my mother," he laughed causing me to as well.

"Stop, we're trying to have a moment," I giggled after wiping my tears away.

"You're right I'm sorry," he chuckled and went back to his stern face. "If you'd let me, I'd like to be in your life."

My heart began to race. If he being serious? Does he truly want to be with me? My brain said no, but my heart ached yes.

Life without Ethan was doable, but painful. I missed him more than everything. Sometimes I would forget it all, I'd be able to trick myself into forgetting about him for a couple minutes. I'd tell myself he was nothing more than a dream, then reality hit when Grayson would come around. Whenever I thought about Ethan and how things ended I felt sick. It was as if I was being kicked in the gut every time I thought of him.

"You're gonna be a changed man?" I asked still on the fence.

"One hundred percent. I'm gonna be the guy you want me to be," he smiled.

"Then yeah, I'd love to have you hack in my life E."

The smile on his lips widened even more as he pulled me into his chest. Warm and soft, just as I remembered it.

"You mean so much to me baby," Ethan cooed into my ear as he rubbed my back gently. Slowly I pulled away from his grip and made eye contact.

"Ethan, I know this isn't what you want to hear, but it's gonna take me some time to come to terms with this. We are just friends we aren't dating, maybe one day, but right now I'm still figuring it all out," I explained calmly.

"I understand," he sighed clearly upset with my words.

The air in the room grew more awkward by the second. I didn't know what to say and neither did Ethan. His face held a defeated frown and I'm sure mine held the same.

"So what now?" He quizzed looking up at me.

"We could watch a zombie movie," I chirped trying to cheer us both up.

"You haven't changed," he giggled as he stood to his feet and walked to the tv.

This was the life I've been aching for. This is what I've wanted for months now. I've enjoyed Graysons company, but I really wanted Ethan. I wanted Ethan to be who I was curled up with as a movie playing on the tv. I wanted Ethan there when the room was silent awkward or not. I wanted Ethan to be the one who had a key to my apartment and basically lived here.

I love Grayson, but I could never love someone as much as I love Ethan. He was my everything, even though he's ruined me time and time again. He's my baby.

"We should order food," Ethan said as he pressed play.

"Sounds good, what do you want?"

"Chinese sounds pretty Gucci right now," he laughed causing me to scrunch up my nose.

"You're a goof," I snorted and waited for the movie to finally start.

This was it. This is what I've been missing for what seems like forever. I have him back. I have Ethan. I have my entire world back. I know I have to be careful. I'm gonna have to protect my heart as much as possible, but I don't know how well that will work with Ethan constantly tearing down my walls.