Book 1: Where did I go wrong (Stuck in Attack on Titan fanfic)

Chapter 47: Stuck with just his memory.

 Chelsea's P.O.V.

I looked up at the clear blue sky, emotionless. The calm wind blew against my back, causing my hair to flow with it. I didn't want to look back down. I didn't want this new, painful memory coming back so soon. It just happened after all. But even the beautiful sky couldn't blow away the bloody scene. But I guess I didn't want it to.

I stood in front of the destroyed gate that lead to the Shiganshina district. My squad was told to stay here and make sure we keep the amount of titans inside at a minimum. At first, we did pretty well. But then she came, and now my life has taken a turn for the worse. And this happened because of one life.

And this one life ended.

I felt someone tap my shoulder. I slowly turned my head to see who it was. And to my surprise, it was Squad Leader Hanji. She gave me a small smile, telling me that everything was going to be okay. She then lifted her hand up and held it in front of me. In her hand was a cut out of the Survey corps symbol. It was made of clothe, and that already told me where she got it.

"Here," said Hanji.

I hesitated at first, but then I slowly grabbed it from Hanji's hand. I looked down at it as she let go of it. Hanji looked down at me as I stared at the symbol, not evern daring to take my gaze off of the blood stains on it. I didn't want to forget. I will never forget.

This happened because of me.

"Hey," Hanji said while I stared at the symbol," Don't beat yourself over this. This is something you both knew would happen. It just happened sooner then we thought."

I didn't say anything. My mind just kept replaying the scene over and over again. And the fact that the sentence 'It's all my fault' wasn't helping either. Hanji sighed and patted my head.

"Don't blame yourself," she said," What happened wasn't your fault. He did what he did to save you. That was his choice. He wanted you to live."

I lifted my head up to look at Hanji. She was giving me such a sympathetic look, but it didn't help. Hanji sighed when she saw that what she said wasn't helping. Hanji lowered her hand and walked away.

"I'll give you some time on your own," she said before going back to the rest of the squad.

I gazed at her until she was at the destroyed gate. I sighed and turned around to look at the small town. The houses were completely destroyed, especially since she came and attacked us. My eyes looked around at the rubble until it landed on one building. It was completely destroyed by a kick from her.

The Female Titan.

I felt a few tears coming from my eyes just seeing where it happened, but I held it in. I wasn't going to cry. I can't cry. If all I did was stand there when it happened, then why are the tears coming now. Was it because of guilt, or did time just stop for me.

I slowly walked over to the building, symbol still in my hand. As I slowly walked up to the building, the memory grew stronger. The rusty scent of blood filled my nose, and my eyes kept on watering. I stopped walking when I was a meter away from the building and looked at it.

Suddenly, an old memory ran through my mind, making me close my eyes and fall into it.

Flashback

I ran through a small park in Washington D.C, trying to get home. My feet hit the brick path, crushing a few cherry blossom petals, as I ran. I looked up at the sky, which was starting to get really cloudy, and sighed.

"It's about to rain," I said to myself," I should find shelter."

I stopped running, allowing my purple, plaid dress to rub against my legs. I looked around like crazy until my eyes landed on a small shop that seemed to be closed. Although I really didn't care about the fact that it was a shop. I just cared about the fact that it was a shop, I just cared that it was shelter from the rain.

Rain started pouring down as soon as I saw the shop. I ran over to it quickly and tried to open the doors. It was, sadly, closed, but there was a small roof in front of the shop that kept me protected from the rain. I sighed as I sat down and relaxed. I was tired, but I didn't complain since I had another few miles til I was home. After a minute, I realized how worried my mom would be, so I tried figuring out what to say.

The sound of someone walking up right next to me snapped me out of my thoughts. I looked to my side to see a boy with a black hoodie and black pants looking out at the park. I looked at him, curiously. He was about my age and had a backpack that looked similar to the new kid we just had in school today. After a few minutes, I decided to talk to him.

"Hey!" I said.

The boy jumped back a little, surprised that I had said anything, and looked at me. He had dull green eyes and blond hair. One of his eyes were being covered by his hair, and this made me realize something.

"Aren't you that new kid from our class?" I asked.

He didn't say anything. He just nodded.

"That's cool!" I said," Your name is Anthony, right? I heard that everyone in our class tried to become friends with you. But some people said that you just ignored everyone and didn't talk at all. Why is that?"

Anthony didn't answer. Instead, he turned his head and stare out at the park, keeping his eyes emotionless. I sighed and looked out at the park.

"Why don't you speak, Anthony?" I asked," Do you hate people?"

I turned my head and looked at Anthony. He shook his head and stared blankly at the trees. His eyes showed a bit of emotion for a second before saying a few words quietly.

"Mother always loved those," he said to himself.

I looked at him confused before looking out at the trees.

"You mean the Cherry Blossoms?" I asked," Your mom loves Cherry Blossoms?"

Anthony nodded his head.

"Oh," I said," I see, you miss your mother. Is that it?"

Anthony nodded his head again.

"Well," I said," You'll see her soon. We're going home after all."

"No," said Anthony, making me turn towards him," That's not true."

I tilted my head confused.

"Why's that?"

Anthony sighed and looked at me.

"She died 3 years ago," he said," I will never see her again and it's all my fault."

I looked at him even more confused.

"How's it your fault?" I asked," I'm sure your mom would never think that!"

Anthony sighed and looked away.

"You wouldn't understand," he said.

I sighed and looked out at the park.

"My name is Chelsea," I said.

Anthony looked at me confused.

"Why are you...?"

"I enjoyed this small conversation we had," I continued," And I hope we can be friends from now on."

Anthony looked at me surprised, before smiling softly.

"Okay," he said quietly.

I smiled a huge smile. And for the rest of that time, we just talked until the rain went away.

End of Flashback

How much I now wish I was still in that moment. If I were and knew that Anthony would have died because of us being here, I never would have gone to that cave. I never would have even tried going.

I collapsed onto my knees as tears poured from my eyes. I couldn't hold it in anymore, so I let out a loud cry as I stayed there for about an hour. Sobbing until my eyes were dry.