Stay With Me || Lashton ||

30

My mom and I drove in silence to the reservoir. My mind was on a tangent, going through all the scenarios that could have gone wrong with Ashton tonight. Whenever he hadn't contacted me today I should have taken the extra precautions to make sure he was alright. The last thing we needed right now was Ashton to relapse and have a repeat of last week.

"Has he been okay since...you know?" My mom asked as we closed in on our destination.

"He says he is but I'm really beginning to wonder." I admitted and my mom nodded knowingly.

"I'm so sorry for all of this." She said and I glanced over to look at her. I wanted to say it was okay or that she wasn't at fault but she was. She caused all of this.

"I know." I said even though I felt like saying "you should be." We finally pulled up to the parking lot and the second the tires stopped rolling I bailed out of the vehicle. The headlights were shining into the darkness but I couldn't see Ashton. Shit, he wasn't here after all. I hurried past one of the picnic tables towards the water and I began to panic.

"I should've known you'd be able to find me." Ashton's accent called out making me stop in my tracks. I turned around to see him sitting up against the lone tree in the middle of the grass. I let out a sigh of relief and moved to sit next to him. His eyes were glued to the water and I couldn't help but follow where they were looking.

"You had me terrified." I admitted and looked down to my lap.

"I'm sorry." He whispered.

"Wanna tell me what's really bothering you?" I said and Ashton's eyes remained glued on the scenery in front of him.

"The day before Thanksgiving I saw my mum in the store." He admitted.

"What did she say?" I turned my head to the side and waited for Ashton to look at me. Once he finally did I could tell he'd been crying for some time. His eyes were glossed over and looked like pools of hazel sadness.

"That I was incapable of being loved." He choked out and swallowed a sob.

"She's wrong." I said and Ashton shook his head.

"It's just been replaying in my head every second and I can't help but believe it. I mean my own mother doesn't even love me how could anyone else? When your mum had that file of my past I knew she was right." I sniffled. I felt my heart wrench.

"But I love you." I said and Ashton looked at me sadly.

"Do you really Luke? I mean honestly do you love me? I am the worst person in the world and I can't even go through a day without wanting to die." He admitted and again a sob escaped. Now my heart was in shattered pieces at the bottom of my chest. How could he think I don't love him?

"Why do you want to die Ashton?" I said swallowing a sob of my own.

"Because I'm not worthy of living." He sobbed.

"Ashton that's not true!" I raised my voice into the cold air.

"Yes it is!" Ashton screamed and I tensed up. I hated to be screamed at. He jumped up off the ground and took off towards the water. He stomped away from me and was about to jump in when I caught up to him.

"I will not let you do this!" I grabbed Ashton's forearms, being cautious of his still healing wrists.

"Just let me go Luke! Do everyone a favor!" He yelled and tried to pull away from me but I held on.

"No! Without you there is no me Ashton, please!" I yelled at and his face screwed into a pained expression.

"I don't want to feel like this anymore." He said softly and hung his head.