Inside Her Head S1

Entry #53 (06/30/18) For DC

06-30-18

Dear Crush,

I missed talking to you. I missed waiting for the time you'll get online so we could chat. I missed laughing as we talked. I missed saying "good... and ikaw nay sumpay". I wondered, was it me who stopped talking to you? Or did you just not care enough to talk to me first?

I unfollowed you. I didn't think you noticed. I don't think you cared anyway. That day you answered one question from the "did you know?", I probably answered five or more. You know, just in case you'd be stalking my profile like I usually do with yours. I wanted you to know me better.

Was it coincidence? I happened to be looking at the same moon you took picture of and posted on your wall. After that, I can't help but look at the moon every night. I can't help but wonder, were you looking at the same moon every night too? I just felt a tad closer to you when I look at the sky. I don't think there is a lot of us who noticed, but you like taking pictures of the sky don't you? I like looking up at it too. And here I go again... thinking how we both lived on parallel worlds.

Can you just say you like me back so that people will stop bugging me about my love life? I know you can't say it though. And I wouldn't like it if you were just forced to like me back.

BTW, I deleted all of our conversations. It was the best way to get over you. It helped me a lot. 🙂 And taking a break from you was also helpful, though I still look at your profile from time to time. 😅

It's a long process, getting rid of my feelings. I'm still halfway there, but I'm sure I'd get to the finish line one of these days. I'm sure you only said it was okay for me to have a crush on you, because you are used to women liking you. If it would have been the other way, I wouldn't have known what I'd do if someone tells me he likes me.

To be honest, there were countless of times that I wanted to unfriend you. I know it would bother you, so I'm still indecisive of wether to push through with that or not.

Why did I suddenly stopped? I think you never wondered to ask yourself that question, but I'll answer it anyway. IT WAS TIRING. Trying to get your attention, trying to make you talk to me, trying to chase someone who is already oceans away. IT WAS TIRING. I guess after chasing and chasing and chasing, you'll find yourself worn out and exhausted. I did all the dumb things a woman can do. It's time to stop being stupid.

You changed.
And time stopped for me.
It's time for me to keep moving forward,
For you are no longer the same person I once admired.

Sayonara, mi amigo!

-Admirer😉