Kissing Away Insecurities | ✓

Chapter 1 - Her Life

Dear Diary,

Today was a day just like a random coin out of a piggy bank. Same as others.

Morning Breakfast, Mumma Papa fought again, they are the cutest couple. No, I did not miss 'him'. 

Fine I did. As usual.

Mr. Mehra's daughter's wedding preparations are in full swing. Vishal is such a dramebaaz. I had no appetite for lunch and he fainted so that I reach downstairs to see the matter and there he was ready with pav-bhaji. Now pav-bhaji, is too tempting to resist.

It's so strange, in life where we look for happiness we never find it there, but where we do not look its nothing but happiness.

Today's interesting observation.

I went down for an evening stroll as usual. Kids playing, shouting with excitement and then there was that group of sixteen-year-olds. I m sure Rahul likes Ritu. Maybe a crush. 

The highlight came when  I saw little Amayra buy kulfi. Kids nowadays don't like kulfi and she bought one. Surprised I followed to see where she was going. Tan Tanaa! She gave it to old Mr. Gill. Now I know his secret. At first, I didn't understand why he does that. Shouldn't he be taking care of himself? A minute later seeing that happiness in Amayra's and his eyes gave me my answer. We all do things for moments of happiness. Sometimes a little wrong sometimes a little right. 

After dinner, Mumma told me he had called. Why would he call me? Well, he had. I did not pick up. I was cooking. I texted back apologizing, a little later. He told Mumma he would come the following week. We spoke, the same old monosyllables. How are you? Had breakfast? Had dinner? How is your health?  Sigh. Mumma thinks we talk like that when Mumma-Papa are around. I haven't told them about our quarrel. 

One week. I don't know. Whether to believe him or not. He said "six months" while going, he said "six more" after six months, he had said the same "one week" last week. But he never came saying something needed attention. The freaking world needs his attention. I don't. No, I am not angry. I am just scared that I don't love him the same anymore. More than that I wonder what he feels. One week. I don't know what to take of this. 

Earlier I had decided to give you to him so that he knows all my thoughts and unsaid words and unexpressed feelings. I don't think I can now. Not that I want to hide anything from him. But I don't think all of this matters to him anymore. He is busy I understand. He has a dream I know.  I would love to see him as the Businessman Of The Year as much as he would like to see himself there. But, I don't know, what is this lump in my heart. 

I don't miss him like I used to before. I haven't seen his latest picture since the last seven months or so. He never asks or sends and nor do I. I knew about his ambition all along. But I did not know I wouldn't be a part of it. Anyways I have got used this. The whole bed for me, the whole room for me, the whole cupboard for me, everything he left behind, for me- including myself. 

I don't know what the next week will bring. 

But, I guess I am happy with what I have for now.

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She shut her diary. Wiping away the tears from her eyes. She looked at the framed wedding photograph on the table. 

Strange. How she kissed it every day for the first two months. Strange how those kisses transformed into caresses and then mere touches. Now she only looked at it. Was she growing out of the love she had for him?

Or 

Had the love she had for him ceased to exist just like his presence in her life?

Switching off the lights and turning on the night lamp she lay on the bed looking up at the ceiling. The news of his arrival had got emotions churning within her. She did not know whether she wanted him to come back or not. Was she scared? Scared of what? She did not love him anymore or the fear that his love for her had died?

As insecurities embraced her she lay sleepless remembering of the times this bed had witnessed there unceasing love for each other. Remembering his smallest gestures to bring a smile on her face. Remembering his smile, his laughter and chaste kisses sealing promises.

Promises, broken, and abandoned.

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