Kissing Away Insecurities | ✓

Chapter 29 - Kissing Away The Pain

Shivaay had never felt so broken. The way her hand held on to his. Despite everything, she wanted him to be by her. No matter how much pain he gave, no matter how far he went. He held on to her hand, looking down at their hands. He couldn't sum up the courage to see what her eyes showed him. See her tears- which had his name etched on them. He was upset that she couldn't see how he saw things. But he was mad at himself for not seeing things the way she had been seeing it. He had left her so lonely. 

His heart shivered to think of what would have she gone through every single day in his absence when she was suffering so much when he was with her. Almost immediately he wrapped he arms around her pulling her close to his chest. He couldn't even say a sorry. It was too small for apology. A part of him knew he had struggled as well. He had been thinking she was he strong one in them both but he was wrong. He had drawn all the strength from her. Every time he thought he should give up it was her thought that kept him going. Every time he was lonely it was memory of time spent with her that kept him insane. Every time he missed her he would do something she would. 

The driving force for his success had been her. To see her proud of him. To see her happy. To be with her soon. He couldn't forget how much in despair he was at the end of those six months when the Colonial Hotels had withdrawn interest to associate. He was scared to comeback like a failure. But, Anika wouldn't listen. She kept saying it did not matter to her. He wished he would have explained to her than getting mad at her that day. If she was his strength she was also his weakness. He had to avoid her for a while to not be weak. He did not know whether he was right or wrong. But seeing her like this he knew- ha had perhaps been wrong. Maybe he should have found another way.

She sobbed into his chest her arms around him holding him tightly. Silent tears streamed down his cheeks like never ending tributaries. They stayed like that crying their hearts out in each other's arms.

He pulled apart cupping her face and wiping her tears. "Don't cry. You - you know, right, I can't." His voice broke and he hugged her not able to hold back himself. He did not want to break in front of her. He knew she would be hurt to see him like that. She pulled away, siding her hair sticking to his tear smudged face. She looked at him not meeting her eyes. This is what she was afraid of. Breaking him. 

"Shiv-va-aay." She called his name between her sobs. She can't see him break. She could break a thousand times to keep him from breaking. She could see how the walls that made him strong fell and how he was sinking in guilt. She did not want this. 

He rubbed his tears looking up at her biting his tongue. "I am sorry!" He said trembling. 

She moved closer cupping his face. He looked at her guilt written all over his face. "I am sorry."

"No. Its not your fault. Maybe the time...whatever. It wasn't your fault. You did everything for - for the family. Please. Don't be guilty. I can't see you like that. " she managed to say with multiple pauses.

He bent his head crying and she pulled him to her chest. He was weeping like a small child. Her hand caressed his back. She could feel him trembling in her arms. She should have found another way out of this mess. She had wounded him so badly. Her soul did not know whom to blame. 

He pulled away, his eyes were rimmed red and lashes blinking heavy with tears. Like his blue oceans were set to a raging fire. His hair a mess. He cupped her face while her hands were still on his cheeks. Both couldn't stop crying. Every time one rubbed off a tear from the other's cheek, the next came down.