third person
genre: angst
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With Jisung's mind floating elsewhere he sat in the car, a hand mindlessly gripping the steering wheel. The sounds of the rock music coming from the radio was like a distant sound to him, it was muffled and blurry, almost indecipherable.
He thought of driving somewhere, anywhere that would clear his mind, but the busy streets of Seoul would be much more irritating to him, and going to a silent park with almost no lights can make him lose his mind. His car moves forward, slowly, with no specific destination in mind.
He just felt so tired.
Tired of everything.
But despite his exhaustion he still wants to keep moving. He still wants to be with her despite the whole universe going against them. He still wants to be the man to love her and make her happy, keep her safe from all the impending dangers the cruel world can give.
Sorry, that was the word he was struggling to mutter out loud, as if he was scared of not being heard by the person he wants to hear the apology, no matter how much he increases the volume of his voice.
Sorry for turning back.
Sorry for being a coward.
Sorry for being selfish.
Sorry for leaving you.
How Jisung wished to say those five letters to her. How he wished to tell her all that he knows, tell her all his regrets, and all that he missed.
But how could he when his knees would buckle every time he sees her, how could he when his palms get sweaty every time he gets close to her, how could he when his heart palpitates like crazy, how could he when his breathing gets ragged every time he tries to talk to her?
The bright city lights do nothing to snap him out of his thoughts, though it shone faintly through the tinted windows of his car, illuminating every feature of the vehicle. Jisung's vision remains dark, without her light his world failed to be bright.
I'm lonely.
The more the little screws and rolled around in his head the more his thoughts get jumbled up. Instead of finding a solution to his problem the only thing he gets is a migraine.
Everything was crashing around him-just keeps getting harder.
Why hasn't she called me yet?
Jisung tried to reason with himself, yet he had been the one to walk away, the one who ran when he thought he couldn't handle it all in one go, the one who broke the promise of forever.
"It's all my fault."
After muttering the latter he snapped out of his daze and sped to (Y/N)'s home. He couldn't care less about the possible suspension of his driver's license.
Fuck the traffic and all that shit.
When he pulled up at the driveway he could still remember the first time he went here-he had trembling knees and shaking palms, and he was sure that he was mirroring the exact same position that he is in right now.
Quickly grabbing a clean pad of post-it notes inside the compartment of his car he wrote some words on the paper, writing in his most beautiful penmanship.
Jisung picked up a flower from the backseat which he had reserved especially for her, taped the note to the stem of the rose and hopped out of the car, jogging to her flat and knocking on her door, waiting for her to answer.
When she did he gave her the flower and left, a sad smile on his face, a faint glint of hope in his squirrel-like eyes.
(Y/N), although dumbfounded, she felt a spark of happiness inside her, since she had missed Jisung terribly, after three torturing months of not being with him.
Looking at the thornless rose she looked at the paper, admiring his neat writing.
(Y/N),
I'm sorry.
Please come back.
Because there's no me without you.
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- pealix_lee 💖
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