teared • hyungwon

f o r t y f o u r

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"it-ts... me isn't it?" he turned around and looked for soon's eyes desperately wanting to find some sort of explanation or reassurance.

she nodded.

"it is you... well... i assume." she shrugged, running a hand through his now red and wet hair.

he stared at the picture in detail. "i don't know... it feels weird."

"what does it feel weird?" she asked tilting her head.

"i can't remember any of this yet... - he looked back at her with a frown – yet it feels so familiar."

soon remained silent for a few seconds as she stared down at the sandwiches between them with a careless air. "i guess... there's an explanation for that."

he seemed lost, as if he couldn't understand soon's words. "my assumptions are that... that night, it wasn't exactly you but one of your alters hyungwon-ah." she finally said.

his eyes widened in surprise and confusion. "w-what? how?"

"i don't know. it's hard to explain but- maybe you didn't know you suffer from DID back then... maybe it was one of your alters who met us that night and that would explain the reason why you can't remember anything, yet it feels familiar."

"like a dejavu." he added, nodding softly.

saying those words out loud made soon's heart race. she knew if her theory was true, it couldn't have been haejun. he didn't have that type of personality.

and it couldn't have been inho, since he manifested for the first time to her and not to dr. kang. even if inho claims that he was around since college, the versions didn't make any sense in her mind.

it must have been nam gun.

that made more sense.

"well... i don't want to stress you with this... - she said grabbing the picture from his hands and putting it away – it's in the past."

"when?" he asked now, staring at the plate with the untouched food.

she moved around and looked for his calmed yet odd expression. "when what?"

"when was this?"he didn't move.

"around 6 or 7 years ago." she answered.

he looked down and sighed. a heavy and deep-tired sigh. "i am sorry." he simply said.

soon couldn't understand why he'd apologize, especially if he didn't remember any of what happened that night.

"why are you apologizing?" she asked curious, playing with the bread crumbs on the table.

"i don't remember what happened – he said now looking at her, his eyes somehow clouded with a glassy curtain – yet i feel that whatever happened, it must have been my fault, so i am sorry." he said now looking away.

she felt a punch in her stomach at the hurtful words. she couldn't imagine a worst scenario than someone apologizing for something they didn't remember doing. especially in hyungwon's case.

"it's- o-okay." she managed to say.

they both remained silent, somehow the appetite was lost now. hyungwon's slim fingers wrapped around the mug with the warm yellow tea. "did you know all this time?" he asked cautiously.