DISARRAY (Niall Horan A.U)

Chapter 57

Quick note! Niall will be reading small parts from Jess' book. Those small parts will be in a different font, so no one gets confused! Enjoy. Also, the song above is 100% Jess' feelings.

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As I'm sitting up in bed I look around my lonely room. I wish Brett was still here. This suite is too big for just little old me. After everyone left the dinner last night we all stayed and helped Louis clean up his house. I took Brett to the airport this morning and I have been sitting here moping over being alone since.

There is a knock on the door and I happily jump out of bed and rush to the door. I look through the peephole and see Niall. Shit. What is he doing here? I walk into the bathroom and run my fingers through my hair. I don't have time for make up, so this will have to do. I walk out of the bathroom and go to the door. I open it to find an exhausted looking Niall. His tired eyes make me smile, but then I remember its Niall. I force myself to stop smiling.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, trying not to sound surprised or nervous.

"I want to know some of your thoughts about your book." Niall walks into the hotel room and looks around.

"You just read my thoughts." I'm now so confused.

"I want to know why you wrote some of things you did." Niall smiles at me.

"Okay." I hesitantly look around the room. "Let's sit on the couch and talk, I guess."

I walk over to the couch and sit on the far end. I watch as Niall comes and sits in the middle. He just ruined my whole purpose of me sitting on the far end. I don't remember Niall being this annoying when we were dating. I take a deep breath to calm my nerves.

"Do you want me to scoot over?" Niall asks with a smirk.

"Nope, it's fine." As long as he doesn't know that he is bothering me, it will be fine. "Do you want coffee or water?"

"I could take a water." Niall smiles at me. I get off the couch and walk over to the small fridge. "They set you up in a nice place."

"Yeah. I'm sure you're use to this when you travel for football." I say as I walk back over to the couch and sit down.

"We definitely don't get rooms like this. We actually have to share a normal sized room with someone on the team." Niall shakes his head. "It sucks."

"I have been in this room for a week and its actually pretty lonely." I look around the suite one more time.

"You use to love being alone. Now you can't stand it." Niall stares into my eyes so intensely. I fidget from the uncomfortable stare. Niall notices and asks, "so uh, ready for my questions?"

"Yep, ask away." I look down at fingers to try and hide from Niall's stare.

"I am going to read some parts of your book and then ask the questions." I watch as Niall pulls out my book with sticky notes sticking out from different pages. I watch as he turns to the correct page and see a paragraph highlighted. "I think I was in love with him from the moment I saw him. His face was full of anger, but his blue eyes pierced into my soul. His eyes softened me then and I'm sure they still do. The problem with having such strong feelings for him right off the bat was how much I tried to fight it. I kept important details about my life a secret from the fear of losing him. This fear caused me to lose him. Fear only destroys us. It will never make us stronger." Niall looks up at me after he reads this specific part. "If we could go back in time, would you have told me about the abortion sooner? Would you have kept your true feelings hidden?"

"Niall I was always going to tell you about the abortion. I was just waiting for the right time. I had to be ready to tell you, so I don't know if I would have told you sooner." I pause and then say, "I probably would show you my true feelings sooner."