I'll Always Be The Rain Cloud To Your Sunshine [Bechloe]

Just Give Me a Reason

"Chloe, I need to know... What are we now?"

Chloe gazed into Beca's eyes while snuggling her cheek further into Beca's hand. She watched as the petite brunette chewed on both her lips, eagerly waiting for the reply that could either significantly improve or worsen her mood. She was trying hard to steady her breathing: she didn't want to give Chloe the impression of being under pressure as much as she didn't want to make her question sound like an ultimatum... Because she knew that even if Chloe would tell her she only wanted them to be friends and nothing more, Beca would always be secretly waiting for her to change her mind and come back into her arms.

Because that's how these things work, right? She had been watching so many movies in the previous days and the protagonists would always get their happy ending... If two people are meant to be then nothing could stop them from being together. Right? And Beca had the gut feeling that she and Chloe really were meant to be.

"Beca, I...", Chloe started speaking after what seemed like an eternity. Beca kept softly rubbing her thumbs across her soft cheek. She missed having her close. She missed feeling her skin under her fingers, she missed her voice... but most of all she missed hearing her laugh and seeing her smile.

She was so beautiful. Even now, even with her face strained with tears, Chloe was breathtaking and Beca thought that she had never loved her more than she was loving her now, although she was willingly giving her the power to either heal or crush her heart. But Beca didn't care what Chloe would do with her heart... It had always belonged to her, from the first time she had seen her, and now it was definitely too late to claim it back.

Before even realizing what she was doing, Beca lowered her hand. She got onto her knees, followed by Chloe's red and swollen eyes, and cupped Chloe's face, this time using both her hands. She tilted her head and Chloe copied her, curiosity and sadness painted all over her features. She was visibly tired, tired of crying, tired of fighting.

"Before you say anything...", Beca forced herself to modulate her voice but the lump forming in her throat forced her to stop mid-sentence to gulp, "Can I kiss you?"

Chloe let out a shivery sigh. She gently grabbed Beca's wrists and forced them off her face, much to Beca's dismay, and then shook her head, "I can't do this. I- I'm sorry but I can't", she said, her voice broken by the sudden tears that had just started coming down from her eyes.

She stood up, followed by Beca's helpless gaze. "I am an awful person for doing this to you", Chloe cried as she grabbed her purse and her coat, "No matter what you say, you deserve to be with someone who loves you the way you need to be loved... You are so perfect, Beca, and God, do I wish I could be the person who could spend their life with you. But I- I c-can't. I just can't be the one"

Beca's eyes were directed to the floor but they weren't really looking at anything. She felt her head spin and found herself thanking God for being seated, or she would have easily fainted. "Why?", she only managed to say, her voice barely a tone higher than a whisper. She felt like all her strength had just been drained, like her muscles had just decided not to work anymore. Ironically, only her heart seemed to be the one working the most, beating so fast that Beca thought she was about to have a stroke.

But, after all, isn't it true that when you're about to die, you're desperate to cling to life with every fiber of your being? Maybe that's what was happening. Her heart knew it was about to be irreparably broken and it was doing its best not to stop beating.

"I am sorry", Chloe murmured, avoiding the question, "I shouldn't have come here"

Beca kept looking down, her brain concentrated on how to control and steady her breathing, inhaling through her nose and exhaling from her mouth. 1,2 - 1,2 - 1,2. Beca kept counting to herself. She was sure she was about to have a panic attack and right now the last thing she wanted was for Chloe to see what she was doing to her. It wouldn't be fair to her. She couldn't force Chloe to stay with her just because she was reduced to an emotional mess.