danger | ethan dolan

thirty nine

ari's pov;

a/n: this chapter is not supposed to insensitive at ALL. i've been debating on posting this for a few weeks so don't attack me please.

"Ethan, I need to go get my lipstick from my bag!" I yell from my room. We were going out for an adventure since it was our last day in Paris.

"It's fine babe, it'll come off when I kiss you." he teases. I shake my head at him and smile. He was the best thing that had ever happened to me.

"I'll go get it! You put your shoes on." Ethan says. I sit down on the couch and tie the laces to my trainers. I grab my phone and go through it, waiting for Ethan. After a while, I got bored and decided to see why Ethan was taking so long. I walked into our room and he was sitting on my bed, tears streaming down his face as he clutched my brown book, his eyes reading my handwriting.

Everything goes silent.

Deafeningly silent.

"Is this true?" he asks, looking up at me. "I said, is it true?" he says, louder.

"Y-yes." I whisper.

"What? I can't hear you?" he yells at me and I flinch. I repeat my answer, louder this time.

He hands me the brown book. The book that I've been hiding things in from everyone.

"Read it to me. I want to hear you say it." he says, his voice shaking as he speaks.

I look at the page, my throat suddenly feeling dry. "Please Ethan, don't make me—" Ethan cuts me off. "Read it to me." he commands. I go silent staring at my handwriting once again.

"I thought I was okay.." I read, each word feeling like a stab in the chest. "They said I was okay.." I go silent for a moment, trying to control my shaking hands.

"Everyone thinks I'm okay but I'm not. I found out about a month ago. I'm not even close to okay. When I found Ethan, I really fell for him. I have no idea what I'm going to do without him to be honest. The doctors told me I had six weeks to live, that is if I'm lucky. I have pancreatic cancer and it's too late to save me. I don't have the guts to tell Ethan. I'm too scared to see him hurt. I don't want to tell him," I go silent once again, for what feels like an eternity. "...that I'm dying." I whisper the last sentence. My eyes start to brim with tears as I stare at the blue ink on my page. I didn't want to look at Ethan.

"You have cancer and you still said yes to being my girlfriend?" Ethan walks to me and I walk back until I reach the bedroom wall, forcing me to look at him. My heart breaks even more looking at him.

"You made me fall in love with you and made me love everything about you like the way you sing to all the songs in every Disney movie, the way you cried because Aladdin was so adorable, the way your lips taste like strawberries or.." he goes silent, his lips trembling.

"I can't believe how selfish you are Arianna!" he yells at me. "You let me love you and you're dying. You wrote that a month ago and you have a week left to live. I can't believe you didn't tell me." his voice goes quieter and cracks, making my heart shatter.

"I hate you! You're a liar!" he slams his fists into the wall behind me, making me flinch, his face moving centimetres away from mine.

"I can't even look at you right now Arianna." he blinks harshly, looking away. He walks away, storming trough the front door, the door slamming shut.

I slide down the wall, my hiding my face in my knees. I know I was stupid and selfish but I was scared. Terrified.

This is something I never wanted to happen. I never should've written it down. I had to tell someone, but I couldn't.

My mother was the only person that knew about this but I couldn't bring myself to talk to her. She was broken when she found out. Probably why she let me go to Paris with Ethan. To let me experience how it was before I leave this world.

When I went for my monthly checkup, they had found out that I had pancreatic cancer but it had already started to metastasise and there was nothing I could do so they told me I had six weeks left to live. I panicked and didn't know what to do. I didn't want to think about it, I didn't want to talk about it so I just tried to block it out. The doctors told me it was a silent killer and by the time they found it, I was as good as dead.

I should have told Ethan.

a/n: i've been holding onto this chapter for quite a few weeks bc i was debating whether to post it or not. cancer is something my family have dealt with quite a bit and i fucking HATE it. fuck cancer. took away so many of my loved ones 💔😔