ethan's pov;
I've avoided going to school ever since she passed. I couldn't wrap my head around it. She was actually gone. I looked down at my lockscreen. It was her.
I missed her so much.
Once Grayson found out, shit hit the roof and he felt betrayed that Arianna didn't tell him. More importantly, he felt bad that he didn't get to spend time with her and make every moment count. He felt guilty. My parents also found out and let me stay at home. I needed space. I needed to grieve. She wasn't here anymore.
Today is the day I'm going into school without seeing her. I can't face staring at the wall, seeing her face 24/7. I can't even sleep properly anymore because I always managed to wake up sweaty and in tears. It was like living a nightmare.
Grayson drives me to school and we pull into the parking lot. Everyone seems to be staring at me. I look in the car mirror a realise I look like shit. My hair's a mess and my eyes are red and bloodshot whilst dark rings were coloured under my eyes.
Oh well, I don't give a fuck no more. I have no one to please. I run my fingers through my hair, remembering the amount of thought I put into myself because I see her everyday. I was wearing black joggers and a purple hoodie. I never used to wear colour before. When I met Aria, I did: she bought colour into my life just by existing.
"Bro, I know it's going to be a tough day but try not to get into any fights please." Grayson says to me. I roll my eyes at my idiotic brother. No one should test me today.
I open the car door and grab my bag throwing it over my shoulder. Everyone's eyes were on me and I hated it. I only liked it when she was with me. So I could show her off to the world. How she belonged to me and only me. How I got so fucking lucky.
I walk up to my locker and get some of my books. I wasn't in the mood. School seemed to be an even darker place without Arianna here.
"Hey bro," Roman greets, doing our handshake. He gives me a sympathetic look. "Sorry for your loss," he says. Word seemed travel quite quickly around here. Some thought Arianna got pregnant and others thought that she left. Then there was the truth. She was dead. That was the sad truth. No one knew why though.
I give Roman a nod and the bell rings for class. I had Math. That was a subject that me and Aria had together. I walked into the class; I was early. I sat down at my usual seat and looked at the empty space that was usually filled with Arianna's presence.
The teacher still hadn't come in so I looked through the photos that Aria and I had together. She was so god damn beautiful. I was so lucky to have her honestly.
My heart ached as I looked through the memories we made on her last night. Who knew it would be the last time I would see her. Part of me was happy that I got to have her remaining moments in life.
More of the class begins pouring in and I look in Aria's seat to see that Angelica was sitting there. She looked at me and smiled at me, with a wink. I felt the blood rushing around my body in anger. I furrowed my brows, bunching my fist. Calm down Ethan.
"Get out of her seat." I say; the class goes quiet.
"W-what?" Angelica says, slightly taken aback by what I had just said.
"You heard me." I say, clearly. She scoffs and gets up moving to a different space.
The teacher finally gets into class and it begins. Nothing feels the same anymore. I couldn't pass her cute notes, I couldn't get to see her beautiful smile as she read what I put.
"Mr Dolan?" the teacher said loudly. I jumped as I realised I had zoned out. I answer the question correctly and return to my imagination, in which she was still alive.
The intercom speaker suddenly goes off; note: it never did. The principal's voice is suddenly heard loud and clearly.
"We regret to inform you that one of our fellow students has passed away. Her name is Arianna Martinez; she was a bright and lovely student here at Ridgeway. She had suffered from cancer and lost her life to it. We will be doing a memorial service in honour for her and will be selling baked goods in awareness of cancer." the line goes dead.
My eyes go blurry and I suddenly feel like I can't breath. I stand up and stumble into the hallway, struggling to stay standing. I slide down my locker and sit on the floor, taking deep breaths. This had been happening often. I would get these panic attacks.
I look up and see Arianna's friends and Grayson too, who was Sophia's new boyfriend. Selena and Sophia looked like they had also been crying non-stop. Of course they would, they're her friends.
I look up at them and they stare at me, tears staining their cheeks.
"I still can't believe this is real. It feels like a stupid joke she would've pulled on us." Sophia says, wiping her face with her sweatshirt sleeve. Selena nods, "I wish she had told us, I wish we could've done something." she says.
"It was too late when she found out. There was nothing left to do." I say, my voice still shaky.
"She didn't tell anyone. She wanted to feel normal for her remaining time. I didn't get to find out until I read her diary in Paris." I say.
They all sit down next to me on the floor and Grayson puts his arm around me to calm me down a little.
"We're here for you E," Grayson says. I start to cry again and it doesn't stop. Every time I took a breath, it hurt, like someone stabbed me in the ribs.
a/n; a little insight on ethan and how he feels :( </3
last chapter is coming soon! check out Cupcake | Grayson Dolan! My new book.
lots of luv & d,
-N
