To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙼𝚒𝚍𝚕𝚒𝚏𝚎 𝙲𝚛𝚒𝚜𝚒𝚜 ✆

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚    Bold- liz      ╝

A conflict has arisen in my life
Please help me
I beg of you
Nvm. I'm poor as shit

What happened
Did someone die

No

Did you kill someone
I'll help you hide the body

What no!
Why would you think that?!

I've been watching a bunch of murder shows so that's probably the issue

Maybe lay off of them for a while

Now for real what's wrong?

I think I like someone
My stone cold heart is growing soft. Make it stop

You literally faced timed me crying last night because you were honored that your dog sat on your face

Never been more proud to be a seat cushion
Dogs are my soft spot ok

Last week you called me because somebody complimented you so you gave them all the money in your wallet

They needed it more than me

You're broke AF

Your point being????

Do I have to spell it out for you

Nope. My alphabet soup that I just spilled spelled it out just fine
So any who I NEED HELP

Explain

I've met said person maybe twice and we only talk on the phone
How do I know if these feelings are the real deal or because a psychic told me so

Check the love compatibility calculator

Genius

So I've been told
1% to 49% = fake
50% to 100% = real

Seems legit. Imma try it real quick

Who's the guy or girl or alien?

Alien? Seriously??
Plus I'm not telling you

Thor's technically an alien so I'm just putting it out there

*god from another realm that happened to be located in space
I can see how you could confuse the two

Whatever
Did you get the % yet?

...

That's not an answer

...

(Y/n)...

I got 100% on all the different calculators I just tried

That's good!
Go get 'em tiger!

No

Excuse you? No, you can't say no. Only yes is allowed

My life is over
I'm going to go stab myself with this Asgardian dagger that I was totally not gifted when I visited

You literally made a twitter thread about your trip you liar

Oof I ded
I'm going to haunt you for the rest of your life

False and you know it

What part? The ded or haunting part

Take a guess

Haunting??
Because I was lying about that. I would totally haunt the avengers compound because hot superheroes

They are hot
Why are they all so hot
It's beyond science

Only explanation is
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* M A G I C *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

No doubt
So lover girl, who's the special someone😏

Oh no! I just got a booty call from a space pirate. Gotta go pet my cat alien!

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔     Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- avengers ╝

Tony
And that is how I got banned from the Brooklyn Preschool of Science

Nat
You pathetic sad old man

Tony
That hurts but true

Y'all hot because
✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* M A G I C *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Tony
What?

Bucky
She's going through a crisis obviously

Tony
Because that's totally obvious

Nat
It is

Clint
How did you even make the team, Stark

Nat
He didn't. He just showed up

ʏᴏᴜ ɴᴀᴍᴇᴅ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏɴᴠᴇʀsᴀᴛɪᴏɴ
"ᴀᴠᴇɴɢᴇʀs ᴀss-ᴇᴍʙʟᴇ🍑"