To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝙶𝚒𝚛𝚕𝚜 𝙰𝚛𝚎 𝙰𝚝 𝙸𝚝 𝙰𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗 ✆

✆ Ｔｅｘｔ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚     Bold- mj     ╝

So your boyfriend is Spider-Man
Why am I not surprised

Because he's horrible at hiding the fact
Sorry I didn't tell you but if I did I'm sure an Avenger would blast my head off to the 5th dimension or some shit

Sounds festive

Please don't encourage them
I like having my head attached to my body

So how'd you find out

Well I accidentally called Peter because I like food

Understatement of the year

Shut up, ya big bully
We became like phone besties
And during one of our calls he was out fighting crime at like 3 am

Dumb bitch

Me of Peter??

Both of you
Haven't you ever heard of sleeping?

Is that a foreign country
I don't remember that from geography

I hate you

Thanks! I hate this you person too!!
Anyways, he forgot to put me on mute or whatever and he was like "ah shit I got stabbed 🤭🤠😱"

I agree
Peter definitely talks in emojis

And then Karen was all like "call Mr. Stark you dumb bitch"
And Peter was like "no fack Mr. Stark. I'm a big boy"

I will never understand fack

Because Tony rigs everyone's phone to say [sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ᴄᴇɴsᴏʀ] because it's a bad language word

But why only  [sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ᴄᴇɴsᴏʀ]

Oh shit he's gotten to you too

[sᴛᴇᴠᴇ ʀᴏɢᴇʀs ᴄᴇɴsᴏʀ]

Fack, indeed
And then the Avengers threatened me over text and I sent them memes and gifs in response
And Peter was like "IM SPIDER-MAN🤭"

He could have literally told you any lie but he told you the truth
How is he supposed to be a genius again??

99% of the time he has no brain
And the rest is history

How did coverup Peter's identity the first time??
When Liz and I accused him of being Spider-Man

That's when Harley entered the equation
He dressed up as Spider-Man for us
Now we're besties