To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝚃𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚔 𝙵𝚊𝚜𝚝, 𝙿𝚕𝚊𝚢 𝙳𝚞𝚖𝚋 ✆

✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

You know how I can be really stupid sometimes?

Yeah, I'm aware
Just a few days ago you refused to go to the hospital after being stabbed
Being stupid is one of your defining characteristics

I came out to have a good time and I'm honestly feeling so attacked right now

Enlighten with your slip of judgement then

That's better
So you know how I have a dog?

The dog I'm totally not planning on kidnapping?
Of course I do

If you dare lay one of your sticky fingers on her, I will straight up murder you
Deadass

Hey!
I can make them not sticky...

Pete, you stick to the ceiling for a living
Your opinion is irrelevant

I can't believe you're attacking your celebrity crush like that
The Spider-Man fandom will be outraged once they hear of this

There is no fandom
I am the fandom

What'd you do?
Kill all my fans or something?

I can't believe I'm being accused of homicide by my own boyfriend
The nerve of some people
Do you want to hear about me being stupid or not?

Ok, what'd you do?

So we've already established that I have a dog that I would murder Spider-Man for

...

And I think you're aware by how much I love cute lil fluffy animals

The amount of times you've punched me when you see an animal surpasses infinity

So I was just minding my own business
When suddenly I find myself in an animal shelter

Oh dear god
Please don't tell me you impulsively got another dog

Of course not!

Thank Thor

I got a cat!

...

It's a baby!
And I love him!

I want to be happy for you but I'm disappointed in your lack of self control

Ok, but hear me out
His face was the purest thing I have ever seen and he's just so small and filled with love

Have you named him

No, Peter
I have not named him
I just go around calling him Kai for fun

So you named him Kai?
That's cute