To: Spider-Dweeb (P. Parker x Reader)

✆ 𝙻𝚊𝚝𝚎 𝙽𝚒𝚐𝚑𝚝 𝚂𝚑𝚒𝚗𝚊𝚗𝚒𝚐𝚎𝚗𝚜 ✆

✆ ᏟᎪᏞᏞ ✆
╔ Regular- (y/n) ╗
╚ Bold- peter ╝

I'm only calling you because I know you're up right now

How?

You just liked my most recent picture on Instagram

Why you checking Instagram while on patrol?

Karen told me
Whatcha doing up?

Let me just say, eating cereal straight out of the box no milk really be hittin different at 3 am

How are you still alive?

I could be asking you the same thing

That was one time!

Peter, you choked on a Skittle
A SKITTLE!
THOSE ARE SO FREAKING TINY! HOW'D YOU MANAGE TO CHOKE ON A SKITTLE?!

Why you gotta call me out like that?
You're literally eating dry cereal at 3 am

At least I'm not choking on it unlike someone I know

You're making me hungry
Shut up

I'm also hungry

You're always hungry

It's a talent
Anything interesting happen yet??

Besides a squirrel's utter distraught when he dropped a nut into the sewer? No, not really

Poor guy. He was just a hungry little fella
Like me

Are you comparing yourself to a squirrel?

To be fair, I am eating cereal straight out of the box at ass o'clock in the morning

Just checking
Some dude just tripped over his shoelaces, fell on his face, and dropped his gas station pizza

Tragic

A sadder tragedy than
Romeo and Juliet

He good though?

He just burst into tears
Poor guy

Here's a suggestion, be the hero you are and buy him a new pizza

With what money?

With Tony's credit card that he totally gave you

He's done no such thing

Really?

I swear on my life

Liar

Me? Lying?
I would never

That's bullshit and you know it
Your whole life is one giant lie, you gender-bended Hannah Montana freak

You get the best of both worlds
Chill it out, take it slow
Then you rock out the show