Shy

Better Chapter 75

Hey guys! Sorry it's been so long. I'm hoping to update this book faster. I love reading your comments and seeing your votes. I hope everyone had a great Halloween! I better get onto the book. I doubt you guys want to spend your time reading an author note. Have an amazing day!!! Love you all! - N

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After my little break down yesterday, I'm a little embarrassed to go out and see everyone. I acted like a little brat. I wasn't being nice. I don't know what came over me. I don't know why I felt the need to be rude to everyone. Merle is Daryl's brother. Of coarse he would choose Merle over me. I'm not blood. I'm not their family. Merle is Daryl's family. I'm just a little girl they found in the woods on accident. 

Merle's downstairs talking with the rest of the group. They locked him out of the cell block. Everyone's trying to decide what to do. I hear Hershel yell at Rick, but I don't bother to listen to their words. I don't think this is going to turn out well. That Governor dude, ain't a good man. He slammed into out fence. He obviously wasn't taught how to knock when he was younger. 

I toss one of Carl's comic books to the side and sigh. I haven't spoken to Carl. I haven't even looked at him. It's not that I'm mad at him, I'm just....confused. I know it has to be tough that he lost his mom, but he's never snapped at me before. He was never rude or mean. He and I were best buds, or so I like to think. I know It's probably nothing and he'll get over it, but I don't know what to do in the mean time. I should probably be there to help him through his loss, but it's hard to be there for someone who pushes you away when you try to talk to them. 

I probably ruined our relationship as friends when I yelled at him. I ruin everything. I mess up all relations with everyone I meet. I should've died with the rest of the kids at the orphanage. It would've saved everyone the trouble. 

I sigh again and Carol leans against my cell door. " Hey Jesse. " 

" Hi. " I say quietly as I stare at my hands. 

" How are you doing? Do you need anything? " 

I shake my head. " Thanks though. " She nods and we stand in silence for a moment. " I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled at you and everyone earlier. It was rude of me and I-" 

" You were upset. No need to apologize. We all know you were hurt and angered and needed to let it out. " Carol sits at the end of my cot. " You were feeling angry and all the emotions you had bottled up, came out. It's not good to bottle your emotions Jesse. " Carol says softly. " If you do, you'll reach a breaking point and everything will come out at once. You might say things that you'll really regret later on. We're all here for you, you just have to let us in and help you. " Carol strokes a bit of my hair. 

I nod. " I'm not..used to people wanting or caring about how I feel. I guess I kinda...I don't, just...felt like my problems are small and not important compared to everything else. " 

" Your feelings are important. Really important. If you want to say something, say it. If you want to do something, do it. Don't hold it in, because maybe something you do, or a thought you have can help us. We need all the suggestions we can get. All of them. And that includes yours. " 

" Thanks Carol. " 

She pats my arm and stands up. 

Maybe this'll get better.